by Victoria Tiegert

Created on: April 24, 2009

Divorce may seem like an easy out of a troubled marriage, but many times, those who take this route end up with more regrets than they ever imagined possible. Society has accepted divorce as an escape hatch to be used at the first sign of trouble. The death of a marriage is not something to instigate lightly. It will take a piece of you with it when it goes and you will never be quite the same again. Before you make that trip to the courthouse, there are many things you should ask yourself and consider honestly.

1-Is there any love left? If you can answer yes to this question, even if it's only a miniscule amount, divorce may not be the best option for you. In fact, it's not the best option. Where there is love, there is hope. It may still take an enormous amount of work to heal the marriage, but it will be worth it. Divorcing someone that you still love leaves you broken-hearted and lonelier than you were in the marriage.

2-How will the children be affected, if applicable? Don't deceive yourself into thinking that your children won't be affected by the absence of one parent. There will be a price to pay and your children are part of it. They may have to deal with such emotions as anger, sadness, depression, bitterness, loneliness, and other things that will be extremely difficult for them to know what to do with.

3-Can I try harder? Most of us have a tendency to give up before we really give it everything we've got. Your marriage is important. Don't give up if there's still more you can try.

4-Am I running away? Is there a problem that could be resolved, but you are avoiding out of fear or stubbornness? Do you feel inadequate to deal with emotional problems that arise and take your escape when they present themselves? If so, you may as well stay and work through them. You'll have to learn sometime if you are ever to have a fulfilling relationship.

5-Will I really be better off alone or with someone else? If you are wondering, consider this: You are only leaving the spouse behind. You and every problem you have are going right out the door with you. The same problems this marriage has will almost certainly afflict any future ones, as well. Again, it's better to work them out now.

6-Is this an emotional decision? Never make the decision to get divorced when you are feeling strong emotions. Anger, hurt, bitterness...these are emotions that will take over your ability to reason and make good choices.

7-Have you communicated your problems with the relationship? Many couples have a great deal of trouble with the simple act of talking to and hearing one another. If you haven't clued your partner in on what's wrong, how can you expect them to help fix the problems?

8-Have you sought counseling? I think the courts should insist upon it before granting a divorce. I bet the numbers would decrease significantly if they did. A counselor can serve as the "middleman" who helps the two of you to come together in love and understanding.

9-Do you have a plan? If you are set on getting a divorce, do you have a plan in place for your own health and well-being, as well as that of any children? This is important. You will have emotional needs and you will also have needs to live, such as income and other resources.

10-What are the problems, really? If you can't answer this fairly quickly, you probably haven't really tried to solve them and they may not even be that big when you get right down to it. One root problem may seem larger because of all the junk that happens and gets piled on because of it, but it is still all just one problem. You may be able to solve it and if so, don't throw your marriage out.

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