God will never send us a burden to heavy for us to bear. I've heard that all of my life and have always believed it because of faith and love of God. We are all tested daily and some of us might even think that God didn't keep his word when we buckle under a burden that we think is too heavy to bear. Others lift their burdens up and carry them because they know that God could have sent far worse burdens and also because they know God will see them through any burden they have, if they reach out to Him and trust him. I was sent a burden that is every parent's worst nightmare and the weight of that burden almost killed me.
Four years ago this past Thanksgiving I was given a burden that seemed impossible to bear; I lost one of my sons to a car crash that killed him instantly. The pain of losing my boy was the worst pain I've ever felt. I lost my grandparents, uncles and aunts and my father, and I thought the pain of those losses was almost impossible to bear. They were painful, but the pain of losing my child was like a huge weight crushing my heart, tearing a large piece away and leaving a hole that will never be mended.
I prayed to God that my son was right with Him before he died, I prayed that he was with him in heaven, I prayed that God would see my family through the horror of losing a son, brother, nephew, grandchild and father and prayed for strength to get through the funeral without losing my mind to grief. The sorrow was so great that I didn't have room for anything else. I was still numb with shock, this could not be happening, I refused to believe my boy was dead. Other people lost their children, not me, Lord, please, not me. I prayed to God to wake me from this horrible dark nightmare; my prayers went unanswered.
In the midst of the grief and sorrow, I turned away from family, friends and loved ones and let the desolation and blackness creep into every part of my being. God hadn't answered my prayers and I couldn't understand why; hadn't I always tried to obey him and live as good a Christian life as I could? Didn't I deserve a small amount of comfort and hope? I needed to know if my boy was alright, if he was with God now and all I wanted from God was to know these things for sure. Why had God abandoned me in my time of need? I cried out in the dark, beggin for an answer, anything to let me know God was near. The blackness continued in my heart, my mind and in my soul. I was devastated, losing my son was horrible, God turning His back on me when I needed Him most broke what was left of my heart.
During the final minutes of the funeral services, I had an experience that only I could see, and I knew at that moment that God had not abandoned me. I didn't want the casket closed yet, I wanted to see my boy one last time. I was overcome with grief again and couldn't move from my chair. As I sobbed helplessly, eyes closed tight, I saw the hand of God at work. I saw the figure of an older man against a shimmering white background. The man had a long white beard, He was dressed in a long white garb and He had a staff in His right hand. His left hand was extended toward me and I knew in that instant that it was a message from God, assuring me that my son was with Him.
The peace and serenity that filled me as I saw the vision from God in my mind left no room for sorrow and grief; God had given me the one answer to the question that I desperatly needed: Was my son with Him in Heaven? Yes, I believe he is and I believe God sent that vision to me when I needed Him the most. I also beleive God will not send any of us a burden that we can not bear. I can still see my son's friends standing at almost every street corner from the funeral home to the cemetary two miles away. Heads bowed, tears in their eyes as the funeral procession passed, they paid their last respects to my boy.
When my son's friends came to the church after the services at the cemetary, they all saw the dramatic change that had happened to me. With a smile on my face and peace in my heart, I told them what I had seen and how I felt. I know there are those out there who disregard my story as a product of grief and sorrow; I know my story is a product of faith and reaching out to God in a time of personal pain and grief.