by Vickie Marcy

Created on: April 24, 2009

God will never send us a burden to heavy for us to bear. I've heard that all of my life and have always believed it because of faith and love of God. We are all tested daily and some of us might even think that God didn't keep his word when we buckle under a burden that we think is too heavy to bear. Others lift their burdens up and carry them because they know that God could have sent far worse burdens and also because they know God will see them through any burden they have, if they reach out to Him and trust him. I was sent a burden that is every parent's worst nightmare and the weight of that burden almost killed me.

Four years ago this past Thanksgiving I was given a burden that seemed impossible to bear; I lost one of my sons to a car crash that killed him instantly. The pain of losing my boy was the worst pain I've ever felt. I lost my grandparents, uncles and aunts and my father, and I thought the pain of those losses was almost impossible to bear. They were painful, but the pain of losing my child was like a huge weight crushing my heart, tearing a large piece away and leaving a hole that will never be mended.

I prayed to God that my son was right with Him before he died, I prayed that he was with him in heaven, I prayed that God would see my family through the horror of losing a son, brother, nephew, grandchild and father and prayed for strength to get through the funeral without losing my mind to grief. The sorrow was so great that I didn't have room for anything else. I was still numb with shock, this could not be happening, I refused to believe my boy was dead. Other people lost their children, not me, Lord, please, not me. I prayed to God to wake me from this horrible dark nightmare; my prayers went unanswered.

In the midst of the grief and sorrow, I turned away from family, friends and loved ones and let the desolation and blackness creep into every part of my being. God hadn't answered my prayers and I couldn't understand why; hadn't I always tried to obey him and live as good a Christian life as I could? Didn't I deserve a small amount of comfort and hope? I needed to know if my boy was alright, if he was with God now and all I wanted from God was to know these things for sure. Why had God abandoned me in my time of need? I cried out in the dark, beggin for an answer, anything to let me know God was near. The blackness continued in my heart, my mind and in my soul. I was devastated, losing my son was horrible, God turning His back on me when I

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