by Merrie Root

Created on: April 24, 2009

It's the very last place I wanted to be. My mother's funeral. My dad had died 9 years before and now at 21, I was an orphan and I felt so completely alone.
I was surrounded by my 6 siblings, family and many, many friends. It made no difference, I still felt alone. My mom was lying in a casket and she was the only person who mattered to me at that time. Being the youngest of seven kids sure wasn't an advantage now. All of my sisters and brothers had many more years with mom than I did. It didn't seem fair. I wasn't ready, I still needed my mom.

All these people who supposedly loved my mom sure seemed to be having a good time. Standing around talking and laughing. What could possibly be funny at a time like this? This isn't a party, soon the music will start and the preacher will step up to the pulpit. Don't all these people realize that when we walk out of here today, we will NEVER see her again. Don't they know our lives will be forever changed?
"Doesn't she look nice?" Have you lost your mind, what are you, stupid? NO, she doesn't look nice, she looks dead. No one looks nice in a casket.
"Wouldn't mom love all these flower?" Sure, she would if she were alive to enjoy them. How many of these people bought her a flower when it mattered?
"That's a beautiful dress your mom is wearing". It was just as beautiful when she wore it to your son's graduation. Did you notice it then, or is it the casket that brings out it's beauty?
"Mom sure had a lot of friends. There must be 200 people here". Yep, and they sure seem to be enjoying themselves. Most are very proud to point out to me which flowers they sent. I couldn't care less what they sent. Do they think there is a prize for the best arrangement? I just want to scream!who gives a flying fart? I just want them all to shut up and leave me alone.
"We better take our seats, the service is about to start" Oh good, we get the best seats, the ones right in front of the casket. I guess our flowers must have been the best.
The preacher's wife sang a beautiful rendition of Amazing Grace (mom's favorite song). YES, YES, YES, mom would have loved it, but mom is gone, so why bother.
The preacher began his service by saying that Amazing Grace is the perfect song for mom. It's that way she lived her life. Through good times and bad she stood tall and did so with amazing grace. Finally someone had said something that mattered.
More than 30 years have passed since that awful day. I've come to understand more about life and death. I now know that everyone did what they did with the best of intentions. I've attended many funerals over the years and I've become one of them. But you will never hear me say "doesn't she look nice" about someone lying in a casket.

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