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You make friends by being friendly, by being a friend. A lot of people spend a lot of time and energy seeking out friends and/or a special relationship and meet with frustration time after time. There are a number of do's and don'ts in regard to making and keeping friends.

Get Off the Couch!

Rule number one is that you will not have much success making friends by sitting at home in front of the computer or the TV. You may make some cyber pseudo-friends, but that is too safe and often on a pretty shallow level. You need to place yourself in situations where it is possible to meet people.

If you work or if you are a student, there is the potential to make friends in those situations. If you are not around people all the time, you will have to make some effort and put yourself out a bit. Where should you go to meet people? It is much easier to look for friends in places where you already share common interests and activities.

Being a church member or the member of any kind of organization will put you together with people who share your interests. While this does not guarantee friendships, it gives you a big advantage as opposed to going to a bar or someplace where you have nothing in common with those there but possibly loneliness.

Making a Move

Once you have found a group or organization, or more than one, that fits into your interests and/or philosophy of life, be friendly. Not everyone is gregarious; not everyone is comfortable going up to a stranger and starting a conversation. But just bring with you an attitude of openness, a willingness to engage with others.

If you can project an attitude of friendliness and openness, other people will approach you. I am not naturally outgoing in terms of initiating conversations. Once engaged, however, I am quite comfortable talking to someone. And among people I already know, I am quite outgoing.

It may not be necessary to transform yourself into an aggressive and gregarious person if that is not who you are. But you will definitely not make friends if you do not put yourself in a situation where other people are available to communicate with.

Be Interesting/Be Interested

These two are key in making friends. Being interesting may be the hardest thing to do. You may need to think about who you are and what is really interesting about you. If you are going to make a friend, you need to be able to keep their attention and keep their interest. You don't have to be a genius or into extreme sports. You don't need to be the head of a company or a brain surgeon. I have met some very uninteresting brain surgeons. There is something interesting about everyone.

Sometimes you can be interesting by being funny or clever. Being interesting is very tricky because it can easily turn into being boring or self absorbed. You need to be very aware of how much of the conversation is focused on how interesting you are.

Which brings us to the more important of the two keys, being interested in the other. Nothing makes you a more interesting person than showing interest in the other. The truth is, we all like to talk about ourselves. If you can curb your natural desire to show how interesting your are, and focus on being genuinely interested in the other person, friendship can't be far away.

There are many aspects to being a friend and gaining friends. You don't have to become an extrovert if that is not natural to you. Just place yourself in a situation where you can meet like-minded people. Talk to others or just be open to them engaging you. Try to share things about yourself or just things you know that would interesting to the other. Above all, show a genuine interest in other people.

Learn more about this author, Bob Trowbridge.
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