by Cynthia Jones

Created on: April 24, 2009

The question of keeping one's own name strikes at the heart of the unequal social relationship between men and women. Marriage seems to illustrate the failures of a clear set of rules or guidelines in questions like whether to keep the maiden name or switch to the husband's. Unfortunately, it is more than a matter of preferences. There are risks to women who change their name, especially if the husband is not trustworthy or is retaliative during a divorce.

Trust is a key issue, and losing a marriage is bad enough without being completely ruined as well. Husbands have legal rights which they may be likely to exploit during the stress of a divorce or separation. A wife is often unable to handle accounts without his approval, which gives power to abusers in some cases. Control is often a key element in abusive relationships, and the power of the name can keep a woman tied to him long after they live separate lives. Opening new accounts can be difficult as well, since the wife is held responsible for the marital accounts, whether she has any influence on them or not.

Self-image can be difficult to recover when a woman is unable regain her maiden name, another unforseen possibility. Breaking free from a controlling person is challenging enough, but to stay burdened with the name of an abuser is unfathomable to many women. It can make it easier for the husband to get information on her business or social activities, to interfere with her life, and to act authoritatively in a variety of inappropriate ways, with the goal of continuing control. A woman can feel like she is helpless, part of the abusive cycle.

Further, maiden names can be symbolic of an individual identity, often helpful in the overwhelming world of children, leaving the workplace for a time, and re-entering it. If she writes, or paints, or makes music or some other form of intellectual property, using her own name may make it possible to retain rights to her earnings, or to the work itself. Unscrupulous types are able to cause doubt over who the work truly belongs to or who should receive FUTURE profits from intellectual property.

Keeping a maiden name does not have to extend to the children, and may be an important step in a healthy sense of identity, often shaken when marriage ends.

Women have the right to keep their name and should carefully consider the decision. It may seem somewhat disloyal even to think of not taking his name, but a well-reasoned choice is not to be regretted, no matter what it is.

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