by Arthur Burton

Created on: April 24, 2009   Last Updated: May 19, 2009

I suppose all of us have had moments that we wished we could have back. I'm not saying one needs to regret their life as that would be self defeating. However, there are things in life about which we wish we still had a say. I'm writing this with twenty twenty vision of my life thus far, and yet am truly baffled by the question, "How did I get here?"

I was given so many talents, so many supports, so much energy, tons of passion, and hope that exuded from me. I made All-American in baseball my sophomore year of college. I was and still am bright, intuitive and fun. I was going places. One would think I should be doing okay over a decade later with attributes and gifts like that! I don't know what to say. The reason I don't know what to say is because I can't pinpoint how life fell apart. I think identity plays a huge role in it for all of us. I think identity is becoming a more elusive thing for individuals nowadays. We are bombarded with the way we should think, eat, dress, and learn. There is literally one hundred ways of reinventing the wheel if you Google it. Identity is a precious thing.

In Johnny Cash's remake of the Trent Reznor song, "Hurt", Johnny's deep voice laments, "If I could start again. A million miles away. I would keep myself....I would find a way." I think people who have lost their identity have done the one thing you mustn't ever do to oneself..."lose" yourself. This is easier said than done. Mick Jagger said, "It's alright to "lose" yourself, as long as you know you can get yourself back." How many of us can claim to have that kind of foresight? I'd have to disagree with Mr. Jagger. It's those who experiment with losing themselves that ultimately get lost. In fact, you are almost guaranteeing yourself a spot in the How-Did-I-Get-Here Hall of Fame if you think for a second that losing yourself is necessary or healthy.

We lose ourselves in many ways. Escaping into drugs, alcohol or other activities that delve into the losing of one's inhibitions can leave a person very lost. That is their choice. We run after money and power thinking our possessions can brighten the image we see in the mirror. That is also a choice that can be traced. Maybe, we want to belong to another human being so bad that we allow our bodies to be violated sexually or physically in the name of love. Perhaps it is a body type trying to be reached or maintained. Perhaps, it is a career that one is sure will bring contentment and meaning to one's life. And, in ALL of

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