Search Helium

Home > Creative Writing > Humor

Humor: Unsolicited e-mail

by Matthew Johnson

Created on: April 24, 2009   Last Updated: June 02, 2009

How many of you actually spend time looking over some of the useless junk that people send that goes into your junk e-mail folder. Sometimes you have to wonder if it's all coming from the same place and there is someone who is just trying to play some really messed up joke that only he gets.

Just glancing at my junk e-mail folder today, I noticed a very odd order of the junk e-mails. Starting off with the Credit Card e-mail, "Platinum Credit Card status with no Credit Check!" followed by a job scam e-mail, "Fire your boss! Work from home making up to $250,000 a year!", followed by a free bible offer, "Bring God into your life with this FREE BIBLE! (*pay only shipping and handling)" then followed by an herbal enhancement product, "Increase your self, Increase your potential!". Following that one is the Weight loss tip of the day! "Build those abs before Christmas and keep the weight off after new years!", all ending with a dating site ad, "Meet attractive singles today!"

Let's take a step back for a moment and take a good close look at the order. Get money! Get a Job! Find God! (I already found him, he was under the couch) Get...uh...bigger (I guess). Get in shape! And of course, why would people do all of that stuff? Exactly! To get DATES!

Spooky how that all comes together, isn't it? It's almost as if it was...dare I say it.... planned that way! *cue the suspenseful music*

Conspiracy theories aside, it is amazing how one's e-mail address can spread around the world wide web very much like a virus. One company gets your e-mail from you and then that company sells it to another one who then takes it and sells it to another one and so on and so on. Before you know it, some 3 year old in Romania has your e-mail address and is sending you all of his ideas on world politics. The best analogy is the one of dropping a pebble into a still pond. After the initial plop of the pebble, the ripples spread out in all directions influencing everything that gets in their path.

Of course, the good thing about junk e-mail is that you already know exactly what it is. Junk. So we all do what the junk e-mail folder was designed to do and bundle them all up into one place so we can get that oh so mild level of satisfaction when we hit the empty button and instantly destroy the hopes and dreams of so many little auto-mailer programs all over the world. Keep hitting that empty button ladies and gentlemen. It makes the world a better place.

Learn more about this author, Matthew Johnson.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

171200

Featured Partner

Time 4A Change

Time 4A Change (T4AC) is committed to educating citizens about social issues and mobilizing those citizens as participants in civil discourse. T4AC is an organization of grassroots leaders who engage citizens in the name of social issues...more


CONNECT WITH US

Read
our blog
Helum for writers

Write and get published
Share with other writers
Polish your freelancing skills

Join our active writing community
Helium Content Source for Publishers

Quality articles from proven freelancers
Exclusive rights, fast turnaround
Brand engagement, business blogging -- our writers do it all

Get custom content today!

INFORMATION


Helium, Inc.
200 Brickstone Square Andover, MA 01810 USA
#