by Brean Schell

Created on: April 24, 2009

Parents and caregivers to children are responsible for the earliest lessons children ever get, as much as they are for providing food, shelter and a safe environment. As such, all children idolize their parents in some way, and have difficulty, especially early in life, accepting that their parents aren't the amazing beings they believe.
It is never acceptable to detail the shortcomings of a child's parent to the child, especially if you happen to also be the child's parent. Children depend on their parents and caregivers for their most influential lessons in social responsibility, communication and conflict resolution. 'Venting' to a child about the other parent will confuse the child, and make them believe that face to face communication is uneccessary, and possibly ineffective.

Obviously excluding a child from communication is detrimental, but so is excluding both parents or caregivers. Open communication is the key, not only to a successful and less stressful relationship, but also to the positive development of a child's personality. Discuss with each other what the problems are, and if you feel it would be helpful or necessary, bring the child into the discussion, but do not discuss it with the child primarily.

Would you expect a seven year old to provide you with psychological care? What makes your child any more qualified to provide an outlet for relationship difficulties? Children are learning about their world and the people around them, and will rely on those lessons later in life, to manage their own relationships and families. Negative experiences lead to negative responses.

More importantly is the fact that children idolize their parents, more than anyone else in their lives. Until they become teenagers, obviously, but thats another article in the making. Venting to a five year old about their parent would be like telling the child that santa claus is really a nasty person, that tries to make up for all of the bad things he's done on one night of the year. The child is told that someone's a bad person, or somehow below par, but that person is also an important part of the child happiness. How does the child even begin to qualify that information? Children need to learn that people aren't perfect, but that should come from personal observation and confession rather than secondary information.

Allow a child to form their own perceptions of their parents, be truthful but not negative. Try to be as objective as possible when dealing with the dealing with the important people in a child's life.

Learn more about this author, Brean Schell.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.