by David Aaron White

Created on: April 24, 2009   Last Updated: March 30, 2010

It's not that hard to be a good listener. Just don't talk so much. Seriously, that's the best way to start being a good listener; you need to let the person you're talking to actually talk if you want to listen to him or her. Listening is a skill that mostly requires patience and self-restraint: it is so tempting to interrupt someone when you've got an idea about solving his or her problem, isn't it? You need to hold back the first thing that comes to your mind in order to avoid interrupting the person you're supposed to be listening to. Speak when given the opportunity.

I enjoy listening to my friends when they come to me with their problems. Well, I wish they didn't have problems to talk to me about, but I want to help them all the same. I have learned that in addition to patience and self-restraint, a good listener needs to have a good attention span. For example, if one of my good friends is pouring her heart out to me, I am not going to turn on the television, put on blaring music, and start playing a computer game in the background; instead, I'm going to give her my full attention so I can take in every single word she says because each and every word matters when being a good listener. Give the speaker your undivided attention.

Make time for the people who want to talk to you. Although this has more to do with being a good friend than with being a good listener, you can't be a good listener unless you give someone your time. I know that if one of my friends has a problem, I will stay up as long as he or she needs me to listen. I spent the first two months of my sophomore year talking under the covers on my cellphone in order to help one of my good friends through a tough time; and I would do it again in a heartbeat. If you can put someone else's need before your own (such as sleep), then not only can you set yourself up to be a good listener, but you can be a good friend as well. Give the speaker your time.

Give honest answers to the person's questions, and offer advice during pauses in the speaker's tirade. If a guy who steals supplies from the office can't seem to figure out why the new secretary dislikes him, tell him! You can't do anything worse than lie to your friend if the lie only continues his or her pattern of destructive behavior. Don't tell the person what he or she wants to hear; instead, tell the person what he or she needs to hear. Yes, there's a fine line between the two. Deep down, we all want to hear that we're great because we're human.

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