by Katelyn Wescoat

Created on: April 24, 2009

While in high school, highway hassles are everyday, problems, problems that tend to interrupt the whole school day. Many times, the local police and fire station were called in to help the students safely resolve the problems.

Here's a few things that were often used to solve the jumbled, jangled junk of a highway we call the highways in your average high school:

1. As already stated, the local police/fire station were often called in to help students learn to negotiate their differences while traveling in the Hallway Highway System of the Local High School. Usually, this was a very effective method, with the substantial policemen's girth helping to regulate traffic. Also, the policemen and women's methods of drinking coffee while eating many doughnuts and yelling at the students also appeared to have been extremely effective.

2. Students settling differences: If a student happened to accidentally veer into the opposite lane, whomever was in the opposing lane would quickly pull over, (making sure of course to use their turn signals, and checking often for oncoming traffic) and settle their differences. Settling differences would be accomplished through one of two methods: fighting, or an attempt at semi-reasonable logic. Of course, as is well known, semi-reasonable logic was the loser's way out, for pansies who didn't know anything, and placed their hope far too far in those great ideals. Therefore, the only reasonable way to settle a difference was to duke it out. Students were (and to my knowledge) still are, highly encouraged to solve differences in this exemplary way.

3. Simplest of all solutions: Don't come to school. Skipping class was generally promoted. In fact, those who did it without reinforcement were generally highly rewarded. In fact, those students known to skip were awarded a free parking space in the Hallway Highway System of the Local High School. Those who didn't were beaten until they agreed to skip at least one day.

4. Kill all those in your way while traveling through the Hallway Highway System of the Local High School. While it has been realized that it is not the most effective method of preventing hallway jam ups and hassles, killing is strongly encouraged by most local high schools, as it is a necessary tool to later survive in life. In fact, most teachers and administrators unanimously agree that killing ranks among the top skills needed to succeed in adult life.

5. Stop coming to school all together. While it is indeed illegal, it is still strongly encouraged, as doing illegal things is another of those skills needed in the adult life. Practice does make perfect, with this being one of those opportunities to make your teachers and parents immensely proud.

6. Run through the hallways screaming, "Fire, fire!" (Or if you'd like to make it even simpler, simply pull the fire alarm, or better yet, start an actual fire.) Don't worry, the teachers and staff will be the first to exit, leaving the students to do as they please.

7. Stand/Sit (whichever you prefer) in the middle of the hallway singing Kumbayah while standing in a circle, holding the hands of random people you have never met. (People will stop, and stare, therefore creating the perfect opportunity for you and your random friends to jump up and escape through the now traffic-less hallways.)

These are a just a few of the most effective ways to avoid highway jambles and hassles. If necessary, more tips and information will be given out in the future.

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