by April Trice

Created on: April 23, 2009

Matt flushed Corky down the toilet when he was five years old. Corky had introduced himself about the same time Matt was knee deep in the middle of a big move, a new home and starting a new school. Corky's presence comforted Matt during a very unsure point in his young life. Once Matt had become comfortable in his new surroundings, he bravely flushed Corky down the toilet, proudly declaring, "Corky's services are no longer needed!"

Obviously 'Corky' was an imaginary friend. The imaginary friend of my husband. The majority of children create an imaginary friend at some point in their lives, usually when they are going through some type of change. Changing schools, moving into a new home, a new city, all of these are classic triggers. Sadly, there are also triggers such as abuse, loneliness, neglect and abandonment that cause a child to develop a kindred spirit. Someone they know will comfort them and stay for as long as they're needed.

Some kids have one imaginary friend for a couple of years, a couple of months or even a couple of days; while other children may have a few imaginary friends at a time, one for each particular "concern" they may have at the time.

The old adage "Too much of a good thing can be bad" is particularly relevant in regards to imaginary friendships. Often times, children will blame their bad behavior on the "friend", claiming they knew nothing, saw nothing, heard nothing. While initially humorous, it fails to teach the critical life lesson of personal responsibility.

If a child has isolated themselves from other children, choosing only to play and interact with what is imagined, this could be a red flag that there are deeper issues that need to be addressed.

The best thing a parent or caretaker can do is respect the child's friendship. Call the friend by name. Set them a place at the dinner table. Ask your child AND his friend how their day was. Encourage your child to share conversations and activities he has with his imagined friends. These conversations often give great insight into the underlying issues that initiated your child's friendly creation in the first place.

My husband and I are in the process of moving into a new home. And guess what? Our three year old daughter introduced us to "Other Cali" a couple of weeks ago. Some days she's here, some days she's not. "Other Cali" will no doubt bid us farewell when things get settled down. But for now, it's heartwarming to see our child experiencing that right of passage that is our First Imaginary Friend.

"Children often have imaginary playmates. I suspect that half of them are really their guardian angels." ~Quoted in The Angels' Little Instruction Book' by Eileen Elias Freeman, 1994.

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