by Jeannine Johnson

Created on: April 23, 2009   Last Updated: April 24, 2009

I'm sure that depending on the woman or man, a marriage can survive an affair resulting in a child. In my case my marriage had to survive the birth of two children 5 days apart. My husband had been unfaithful to me throughout most of our marriage. Being this was my first marriage, I felt that I had to honor my vows and stick it out, "for better or worse". In the beginning I was devastated when I found out that the woman he had been messing with throughout our marriage was pregnant, but then I just did not care. He and I had been going through this infidelity since day one, so it was my hope that he would leave and be with her since they were having a child together, but no such luck for me. He made it seem as if he did not want the child and that she did not mean anything and of course he was not leaving. But why would he leave; we had a house built, nice cars, I had a good job, good credit and he really didn't work throughout our marriage, plus I just didn't hassle him, I let things slide and didn't make a big fuss about much.

By the time his son was born, I was numb to our marriage and him. We had a son and daughter together plus my oldest daughter and his oldest son that were part of our family. I stayed married to him when his son was born, and became friends with his mother, my husband's longtime mistress. As we began to talk I began to see that she may be my way out of the marriage, people in our inner circle could not figure out how we could be friends, and of course my husband was upset that we talked. I looked at it from a different perspective than most people. I could see that she loved him and I really did not want to be bothered with him anymore, so I continued to go to school, work and let things stay as they were in my home. I had no ill feelings towards this child's mother. My husband had manifested this situation and I knew that I was a good woman, so I stopped blaming myself for his infidelity. Now the other baby's mama that was a different story.

My husband had 2 children when I married him, by two different women. His youngest son's mother told me how she could not stand him and never wanted to have anything to do with him. Well low and behold 5 years after this statement, she is having a child by him, and if it were not for the announcement in the local newspaper, I would never have known she was pregnant. Of course my husband denied the baby and said she just put his name on the birth certificate; and of course one paternity test later he was proved to be the father. It was then that I knew our marriage was over; not only had he slept with his ex and conceived a child, but during this time I was taking care of his and her son, he had been living with us for 5 months prior. I was feeding him, clothing him, helping with homework, and everything else a mother does when she takes care of her child. I have never been one to hold anything against kids; I love kids no matter whose they are. I believe brothers and sisters should be close and know each other, and I don't use the words step or half.

So is it possible for a marriage to survive a child? I don't think so. That child will be a constant reminder of broken vows and promises to love, cherish, honor and obey. That is not to say you will have ill feelings towards the child or even the child's mother, but what you will always have is "baby mama drama" in one form or fashion.

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