by Jennifer Williamson

Created on: April 23, 2009   Last Updated: July 03, 2009

As an adoptee, as well as a birthmother, I am a firm believer in telling your child that she was adopted before she even knows what adoption means. Growing up with the knowledge that you're adopted, makes it an integral part of who you are from the very beginning, rather than some deep, dark, "family secret" that you learn about an older child, teen or adult.

By discussing adoption with your child early, you allow for a more natural dialogue to occur. When a child asks about a friend's new baby brother or asks questions about where babies come from, it offers an easy segue to an adoption discussion. When adoption is not treated as a taboo subject, your child will feel more at ease in asking questions thereby gaining a greater understanding of her own adoption story.

I can't recall my parents ever sitting down with me and telling me that I was adopted, it was just something that I have always known. We did have books that helped to explain what adoption was and what it meant, but it was something I grew up with vs. a topic that was introduced later in my life. The day my parents brought me home was a day that was celebrated, my "Special Day", and we still celebrate it each year. To this day, I enjoy hearing the story of the joy and excitement my parents experienced when they got the call that they were going to have a daughter, the anxiety they had when a truck jack-knifed on the road when they were on their way to pick me up, and the elation of my grandparents upon hearing the news. Treating adoption openly, as a special event to be celebrated, fosters a healthy attitude, environment and dialogue for both the adoptee and the adoptive parents.

In choosing to wait until your child is older to tell her that she is adopted, you set the stage for potential issues. A child can feel as though she was being deceived or lied to, which can impact the parent-child relationship as a result. In addition, the adoptee is more likely to experience feelings of negativity not only about adoption, but also themselves. A feeling that being adopted is "bad" or that their adoption was something negative. Instead of adoption being celebrated, the adoptee can be left feeling that it is a source of shame that should remain a secret.

The key to telling your child that she is adopted it to be up front and honest about it from the very beginning. In keeping the lines of communication open, your child will feel more secure and comfortable with this piece of her identity.

Learn more about this author, Jennifer Williamson.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.