by Wally Steele

Created on: April 22, 2009

Yes, I am a victim of the layoffs and to top it off I am 62 years of age. The years have taken their toll on the optimism of my youth and now the feeling of urgency has left me in a paralyzing stupor of what to do next. It is hard to understand how all these years have passed and yet, I still feel the same inside. My body seems to be the victim of time, where my mind still contains the thoughts of my youth. The aging process seems to have been aided by the confusion of what has already been, verses what is yet to come. But it seems that the "what might come" aspect is directly affected by the fear that time may not be there for what I would like to see. I also find myself grabbing for the past memories that seem to elude me. I know that the dysfunction of my growing up years contribute to a void in my search for who and what I was as a youth. The desire to move forward is thwarted by the desire to see where I came from. But I have waited too long to ask the questions that should have been asked when my parents were still with me. Now my quest is similar to a dog chasing his tail, going no where but searching for something that you know is there but just one step out of reach.

As I struggle with all this, I have come to realize that so much still lies ahead of me. It is now that I have a great opportunity to try that something that I have always wanted to do. I have so many positives: maturity, wisdom, experience, longevity in a job and a spirit of adventure. Yet, I still possess the qualities of my generation. I have that work ethic that causes me to stick to a task way beyond so many workers that are much younger. I have had a career, so now I am looking for a cause or a challenge that will take me in a new direction. I now have the courage to write about my struggles and I plan on putting this all down to help others who may face the same dilemma. I have come to grasp that the benefits of getting older far outweigh the fear I first dealt with.

I have the years to build upon and yet those thoughts of my youth still linger as well. I am not looking to climb the ladder of career progression but have the excitement of something to challenge me. Who would have guessed that in this uncertain time would come an excitement that allows me to look forward each day, no longer dwelling in past memories but forward to the new challenge. I am not certain where this journey will take me but I am open to any path that may open up. I will not jump just to have a job, at this juncture in my life I want more than that.

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