by Mark s stephens

Created on: April 22, 2009   Last Updated: May 05, 2009

I married at the age of twenty nine to a blond bombshell called Christine,we had been together for three years before we got married. Christine was six years older than myself,had been married before and had two young children from her first marriage. When I met her the eldest child was only three,her husband who by all accounts was a fine loving man who adored his eldest child and was looking forward to the birth of his second child. He tragically lost his life in a work related accident before the child was born. To say Christine was devastated was to say the least and without the help of her family would have found her loss unbearable.

When I met Christine she was still very much in mourning and coming to terms with her and her family's loss even though it had been over two years since her husbands death she still missed him. It took patience and understanding to help her to accept that it was possible to have a life after the death of a loved one. We married three years after we met, I loved and adored her and the children they were my life my reason to get up in the morning my reason to hurry home from work at night.

Just a few months before her thirty ninth birthday Christine who we all thought was in great shape she exercised ate healthily did not smoke suffered a massive heart attack and died. When the police came to my place of work to inform me I could not take it in and refused to believe what they were telling me. Denial was my first emotion it couldn't be Christine she was shopping for some summer outfits for the kids to take on our holiday that we had booked. I can even remember saying I will call her and you will see your mistake. When she did not answer it started to sink in that I had lost my wife. The feeling I felt is hard to describe I felt I was falling and a blackness came rushing towards me that completely enveloped me. Whether I fainted or not I do not know as the next few hours are a blur.

The day's leading up to the funeral were spent with the children making sure of there needs, my god they had lost both parents before they were teenagers. It was important to me that they were protected a much as possible,so I put my feelings on hold as much as I could only letting go when they were asleep and I was on my own. It was heartbreaking at the funeral and when she was lowered into the ground I could not stop crying. The grief was unstoppable, until that moment it had not been real this tore me apart. Of course the children seeing my distress

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