by Vicki Brown

Created on: April 21, 2009

Shortly after the birth of my second son, a more experienced mother gave me some advice that stayed with me and became a cornerstone of my parenting style.

She said, "Our job is to open doors for our children and then let them decide which ones they want to go through." That made a lot of sense to me and put into words my determination to never stand in their way.

I was brought up to be a corporate wife. I was well educated and even made my debut into society. I new all the rules of etiquette and what the proper dress was for a variety of occasions. I would be a gracious hostess and an attractive ornament on my husband's arm. I would know my place and when or if it was appropriate for me to enter the conversation.

That was the only door opened to me and I didn't want to go through it. I had stumbled on some doors by myself and one in particular was very appealing. I wanted to be an actress on Broadway. I took acting lessons and had a few small parts in a small semi-professional theater company.

I was good and could have been better if my parents had allowed me to go to New York City to acting school. They hadn't opened the door but had no trouble slamming it shut and locking it.

We compromised and I went to a big state university where I spent two miserable years. I was thrilled when I met a young man who was a senior and we fell in love. He was my ticket out of there.

He was not and never would be a corporate executive. He was an electrical engineer and that was what he liked doing. He was a manager several times and we hosted Christmas parties several times. I was not a corporate wife. I had the training but not the personality for it.

My brother is a corporate lawyer and has risen through the ranks to the position of Chief Counsel and Vice-President. He and his wife are always going to corporate events. She has an extensive wardrobe of outfits for any corporate occasion. She always looks like she just stepped out of the latest Talbot's catalogue. Her corporate party dresses are of varying lengths but most are black or beige.

I asked her once what made a good corporate wife. She said she kept her mouth shut and smiled. That could never describe me. I could smile but I could never keep my mouth shut.

My parents meant well. They wanted my brother and me to have what they never had. But, they went overboard protecting me and choosing a life that they thought would be safe for me. I would have a man to take care of me like my father had.

`I don't know if I would have been

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