by Amela Piric

Created on: April 21, 2009   Last Updated: July 23, 2009

Tragic news of my husband's sudden and unexpected demise left me firstly in the stage of shock. The next stage was denial followed by anger and then intensive grief. I never thought this could happen to my husband as he was in his early thirties. I was fueled with anger asking the Lord Why is this happening to me? As there was no answer from above, I had no choice but to make peace with my unfortunate destiny.

I became saddened, my blood pressure increased, and I was unable to sleep. My heart ached with pain and only sedatives could help me but not for too long though. I felt physically tired and as if all the energy was simply drained out of me. I hid my grief from the girls as I did not want to break their young hearts. I wanted them to focus on their studies, work, and their futures.

My intensive grief soon turned into a long period of depression where I could not get out of bed for several days. But, when my two youngsters started crying around my bed, I had no choice but to get up and start a new page in life. To make matters worse, I was not employed at the time of my husband's death.

Six months passed before I received any financial assistance offered by my husband's firm. Thus, I had no income to live off except for little money I could earn selling groceries in the village. On the other hand, I had two young daughters that I wanted to set on the right path. This was the most trying time in my life both emotionally and physically. I had no choice but to assume financial responsibilities of a bread winner in the house even though I was struggling physically and emotionally as I was overwhelmed with pain.

To try and take the advantage of the situation, married men in the small village I live in, started approaching me and asking me for sexual favors. I refused their offers immediately with pride and confronted them directly in front of their wives. As soon as I lectured the first married man in the village, the other ones learned their lesson.

Dating married men was never in line with my standards plus I simply did not have the time for dating. I was determined at all cost to honor my husband by deciding not to date and marry again. Life was tough in the village and I was busy taking care of my girls. I did not want a stepfather to my children. I could never forget my deceased husband and yearned for him in my heart.

My girls and I were forced to start growing and selling crops in our yard as a way of making a living.

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