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Shhh... Don't tell your professor, but I'm about to teach you the finer points of procastinatory paper-writing. This isn't a set of tips or tricks, either. You're about to start reading a scratch-to-finish, full-on, 100% due in under 24 hours (probably way under 24 hours) college-level paper. I can't guarantee it will earn you an A (probably not), but you can certainly pull of a B by following this guide. Why believe me? Because, I have years of experience with this, being a college senior at one of New York's best teacher colleges, I have a 3.5 GPA, and for the most part, my papers have all been written at the last minute. Now, your's can, too, and it won't suck.

Prep: You will need to have about a week or more to work on this paper. A month is better, and the whole semester is best. Why? It's easier to keep telling yourself "I have plenty of time," or to keep forgetting, if you have a long time to work on the paper. Papers that are due right away have to be started right away, and what's the fun in that? Now, with assignment in hand (most likely written on the corner of a loose-leaf paper or hand-out in a terribly disorganized folder, where you will likely never see it again), promptly go home (even if you still have another class) and turn on no less than two of the following: stereo, Wii video game system, computer, or TV. Wait until last minute, then freak out... and stop. Ready?

1. Review the paper's requirements. You may have lost them, but you can probably get them from your college's online system (if you have one), a classmate, the professor, etc. It's probably a page full of stuff about what the professor wants, maybe in bullet points, maybe not. Your job right now is to read and translate the requirements, writing them down on a piece of paper in bullet points. So, if it says to write a paper about puppies, and it also requests a bunch of stuff like a few of your favorite breeds, how are puppies cute, naughty puppies, and talk about your own puppy, then be sure to bullet point each thing under a title like: Things I'm Supposed to Write About. Maybe it also has requirements about sources, such as not using Wikipedia, but you have to use three books and the AKC website, so have a heading "Sources Requirements" and bullet point all that stuff.

2. Now on your computer, create an outline. The first item, always, is "Intro." Under "Intro," make sure to include "catchy opening sentence," then "thesis," and finally "quick paper summary." Those are the elements

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