The engagement period is in a sense an interview. You are past the dating stage, and now contemplating how life will be when you're together everyday sharing a home and a life. Asking a few simple questions can put your mind at ease, or bring up points of contention which are all better dealt with before the walk down the aisle.
1. Children: Do you both want children? How many? When would you like to start expanding your family? These are all integral to a happy marriage. If you disagree on any of the answers, then can a compromise be reached? Deciding to have children is the most life altering decision a couple can make.
2. Parenting: Will one of you stay home? Do you agree with spanking? What types of discipline are acceptable? Knowing these answers now, rather than when your child is misbehaving can be beneficial to both you and your child.
3. Finances: How do you manage your money? How much debt do you have? Will we share a joint bank account, or keep them separate? Also the question of prenuptial agreements, if you are in a situation where one may be necessary. Once you're married your assets are combined, and knowing that she likes to shop or that he likes to gamble is good information to have.
4. Conflict: How will you handle your first huge fight? Do you yell and scream or shut down and become silent? How will you work through your differences and come to an agreement? Different life experiences lead to different conflict management styles. Understanding your spouses past relationships and childhood can shed light on how they may respond during an argument.
5. Career/Goals: Do you want to further your education? Will we ever need to re-locate for your job? What defines success to you? This discussion can lead to discovering what motivates and drives your future wife. If she's a career driven business woman, you may have to leave your job to move so she can accept a promotion - or - if she wants to quit her job to go back to school, can you afford to support you both?
6. Sex: What are you fantasies? What are you not willing to try? How often will you want to have sex? Once you have been together awhile, the passion cools off, how will you deal with that? Discuss what types of birth control you want to use before you choose to start a family.
7. Household duties: Who is responsible for what? Who will cook? What will the division of labor be in the home? Most newlywed women have the same complaint, that their husbands make more messes than they clean up. Make sure you understand her expectations for what you will be responsible for. This will prevent many fights.
8. Holidays/Traditions: Where will we spend Christmas? Do you always have a huge party on your birthday? Is Valentines Day important to you? Different families celebrate differently. She may have traditions that date back to when she was a young child that she is unwilling to miss. Compromising on a holiday schedule or traveling to be with both families may be the answer. Knowing which holidays and occasions she values and which she could do without, will inevitably be helpful.
9. Pets: Are you allergic to any pets? Will we have pets in the future? How many? If she loves cats and you hate cats, this may be a problem. Bringing in a pet is a commitment of many years, so do you share a pet loving or anti-pet attitude?
10. Pet peeves: What annoys you? How do you cope with it? What bad habits do you have? If you do not currently live together, you may spend the first few months of wedded bliss discovering that she can't stand the sound of you eating cereal and that you despise how she leaves her wet towels in the floor. Having an idea of what bothers each other can save you many headaches in the future. You may already know most of her bad habits, but there may be a few that you have never witnessed. Does she smoke when she goes out with friends or curse like a sailor when she's drunk? You will be much less surprised in the future, if you ask now.