by Joni Greever

Created on: April 21, 2009

That's easy. Even crotchety older people respond to an interest in who they are; when they were young and now. They know immediately when they are being patronized or when your interest is genuine.

The way people in this country shunt aside so many of the older people is unconscionable. They were once just as alive and vibrant as you may be, but their bodies are wearing out and slowing down. Many have their full mental capacities, though, with minds "still 18 years old, but my ride's wore out" as one dear old lady put it. What is sad is we don't have patience with them as we do with the very young.

Showing a genuine interest in older people means asking them questions about their youth: What kinds of games did they play? What was school like? Did they live on a farm or in the city? How did they (this seems to be a favorite) meet their spouse? What did they do for a living? If you're lucky enough to know folks in their 80's and 90's, their younger lives were so interesting! They can tell you of life before the advent of television and before the break-up of the American family - even WWII war stories that will have you on the edge of your seat.

Don't treat older people like they are fragile or addled. Most have more on the ball than we probably ever will. These are people who grew up in a time when you could trust others - they didn't have to keep their doors locked and double-locked; children were safer and much freer to explore their world. They were much more self-sufficient, but relied on neighbors for and lent a helping hand when needed. There wasn't the competition we've been conditioned to. It may seem to us today that their lives were simpler and maybe they were to a certain extent, but they had a much stronger work ethic we can learn from.

The author works for a wonderful 91 year old gentleman on weekends. The weekday caregiver tends to talk around him like he's not there and addresses him almost as she would a child, even though all that's wrong with him is that sometimes he has to search a few seconds for a word and he can't hear well, but he's certainly not stupid!

Show them little kindnesses - bake something they love, take them out for a nice drive or out to lunch. Show them you care and make them feel like they are still part of society. So many are just plain lonely.

Besides treating older people with the respect they deserve, humor is the surest way into their hearts. If they aren't stricken with Alzheimer's or dementia, most have a marvelous sense of humor and appreciate a good joke or two. Mainly, treat them as the human beings they are. They have such a rich, fascinating history to tap into.

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