by Victoria Tiegert

Created on: April 21, 2009

Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed such a thing as the man of our dreams. He exists and you should watch out for him with all your power. When you find him and he begins to approach you, RUN! With every ounce of strength you have, head the other way. You may be confused at this point, so allow me to explain further.

When we are little girls, we have all the dreams in the world about our knight in shining armor. What he'll look like, act like, sound like, kiss like, be like...it's all set in stone in our mind's eye. The problem is that these are a child's dreams. They hold none of the life experience or wisdom that is necessary to make good, solid adult decisions. Do we really want a prince to sweep us off our feet and take us to his castle, where the queen mother awaits who will surely look down upon us? Do we really want to marry a famous rockstar who will be on the road most of the time, doing God knows what, while we sit home alone? Probably not. But, these are the things that many of our "dream men" are like.

Even as we get older and realize that these things aren't really what we want after all, we may envision a man who is smooth and social. The problem there is that these men are usually the charmers of the world. Sure, they know just what to say and when to say it. They know how to act in every situation. They also know how to lie to your face and have you believe them. They know exactly what buttons to push to get their way. They know how to get their way and still make you believe that you are coming out ahead somehow. It may take years before you realize that you've given them everything and are still waiting to get anything in return.

I found the man of my dreams and learned this lesson the hard way. He was exactly what I thought I wanted. He was charming to a fault, everyone loved him, he was the life of the party. He was also a functional alcoholic who ended up being abusive behind closed doors. No one would have believed it about him without seeing it with their own eyes. Even then, he probably could have explained it away and made it into someone else's fault. More than likely, it would have been mine. When I was finally smart enough to leave him, regardless of his stories and excuses, it was because the police had come to let me know that "Mr. Perfect" was also a criminal.

There are such a thing as the men of our little girl dreams, but I sure don't want them. The man I have now is nothing like that. Instead, he embodies everything that is actually important in life. He works hard. Sometimes that leaves him too tired to say all the right stuff. He loves me. That doesn't mean he constantly romances me. He is real and that means he isn't perfect, but that makes him absolutely perfect for me, even if I couldn't imagine him in my wildest dreams.

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