by Georgia S. Peaches

Created on: April 21, 2009

It has been widely accepted that telling the child as early as possible is usually the best route to take.

Although it might be difficult to explain a young child what adoption means for them and for your family, it only gets harder as they get older. Not to mention, a young child is less likely to take it as a personal offense, then a teenager or young adult who has been thrown off kilter by the news.

Waiting until they are a pre teen or teenager can turn a rebellious teen into a complete and total nutcase, because that will fuel the hormonal fire and give them a reason to rebel from you even more. Not to mention the fact that they are already struggling for their identity, and it will only confuse them even more to have that thrown upon them so suddenly.

It can be even harsher for an adult, by telling them then, as they will not only be unsure of the person they have become, but will also feel as though they have missed out on something vital to their lives, and can become obsessive about finding their birthparents.

Neither adults or teenagers will listen to you very well, and its hard enough when you spend nights not sleeping and trying to figure out how to tell them about the adoption.

When a young toddler of child is told that they are adopted, they will probably not entirely grasp the situation, but when they get older and do ask more questions, it will be easier for them to understand, as they won't feel left out of the information. They will know there are no secrets, and won't consider it to be a 'bad' or 'unusual' family situation.

Just remember to keep things simple at first. Telling a young child they are adopted doesn't mean you need to go through the whole reason why you and your mate didn't just make a baby yourself, and you don't need to try and explain why their birth parents gave them up. It can be as simple as, "The Egg and Seed that made you, came from another man and women, and they made you just for us, so we could love you all the time!" or something similar. There isn't anything wrong with making it a little fairy tall-ish, as long as you aren't lying.

As they get older and ask for more details, then you can get into the realm of complication. Just make sure you have some support from your spouse and family, and do a little research on the terms of adoption. Most likely, the important parts will be explaining if they have a closed adoption and why they can't meet their birth parents yet. If they are from an open adoption, then they probably have access to their birth parents, and can ask them more about the process and the 'whys'.

Make sure to tell them you love them, and that you ARE their mom and dad and family. Being adopted is only a matter of gene's, and doesn't mean their parents didn't love them, or that there was something wrong with them.

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