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deal of unhappiness for both parties. The reverse could also hold true.

I was sexually molested as a child and that is also important information for your spouse to have. I once met a woman who had been married 15 years and still hadn't shared her history of abuse with her husband. Yet she was sharing it with me in less then 15 minutes. I understand why she shared with me, we tend to "know" each other, but she had nothing to be ashamed of and knowing where she had been might not only help her husband to understand her but also give her additional support.

I was more experienced then both of the men I married, but they knew this going in, as did I. My first husband ( and 2nd) didn't have a problem with it but we also didn't talk a great deal about our histories. The lack of communication through out the relationship caused not only problems but also misunderstandings. I will never forget when he told me I wasn't kinky enough. What? I had never had anyone tell me that. I was pretty open I thought. So I decided to try and be kinky for him. It was hilarious in hindsight because he kept asking what I was doing and why? Turned out his definition of kinky was having romantic interludes in cars/vans. Hey I am not a small woman and maneuvering in a car/van isn't easy. Fortunately my 3rd husband is much better at communication and we are both still learning about each other and our romantic pasts. Often it is in very small doses, such as have you ever done? Really, what did you think about that? We know what each of us likes and things we have tried and really never want to try again but we also have a pretty good idea what each of us would be interested in trying either for a first time or with each other.

Those individuals in our pasts are left behind for a reason, there is no reason to be jealous of them or hide them. They were part of our education and they contribute in various ways to who we are today. You can also use your history to warn your partner off of certain behaviors. Like saying "It really upset me when John ...." Or encourage a behavior. I personally think we need to be more positive to get what we want. My oldest son and husband don't agree on a great deal but they both agree that the male ego is very fragile. If a man can't handle your romantic past regardless of its content then its better to find out early and before you marry him. So be honest about your history, I think there are far too many games played between the sexes already, and if you want a relationship with a strong foundation it needs to be based on honesty from both sides.

Learn more about this author, Carol Wise.
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