by Dan Stelter

Created on: April 20, 2009

Most of the time, it is wisest to refrain from phrases that are framed in the negative (phrases that begin with do not, you should not, or stop). It has been shown time and again in psychological studies that the most productive way to think that leads to the happiest state of mind is to think in the positive (I can do this. I will do that. I am doing this and that).

However, there are a few "do nots" in every sphere of thinking that still need to be considered and in regard to social anxiety, or any other anxiety disorder, this is one of them: do not blame yourself for having an anxiety condition. If the anxiety-sufferer blames him or herself for having an anxiety condition, this leads to lower self-esteem, which means that ones quality of life is that much lower, and it further means that one's odds of engaging in change are that much lower. If one believes that he or she is to blame for having an anxiety condition, then he or she will think that there is not much that can be done to improve his or her situation.

The socially anxious, as well as all anxiety-sufferers, tend to feel embarrassed, ashamed, and like it is "their fault" that they have this anxiety condition and are missing out on so many things that everyone else seems to have. But, this is in fact not the case, and the following paragraphs will explain just why that is.

The first point to consider is that anxiety is often a biological condition, meaning that the person is born with it and has it programmed into his or her genetics. For those who believe that their anxiety disorder has occurred this way, how can they blame themselves for something over which they have no control, namely that they are biologically predisposed to be anxious? The answer is that this is very unfair to do because everyone has multitudes of skills, abilities, and conditions with which they are born and over which they have no control. People just cannot help certain things.

The next point to consider is that for many anxiety sufferers had biological anxiety which was heightened by childhood experiences. Well-intentioned but uninformed parents could not understand the anxious child's fear and avoidance of certain people and situations, and rather than trying to understand those feelings and fears, they simply bellered at the child, "Get out there and do it." This increased the child's anxiety because his or her fears were not being treated as valid, but instead as something silly that nobody else seems to experience. One's

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