by Rick Sizemore

Created on: April 20, 2009

Parent Traps...You Get What You Accept

The boss at my first real job was a very wise woman. Whenever I'd march into her office to vent about this or that, she'd usually dispense five little words and send me on my way. "You get what you accept," she was fond of saying. Translation: if you don't like something, don't accept that's the way it has to be. Words true for the job, true for parents.

Take a moment and evaluate what you accept and tolerate from your children. Do you accept your toddler not sharing his toys or hitting others during playtime? Do you accept your child constantly breaking therules at home and at school? Do you accept your teenager ignoring curfew or hanging out with the wrong group? Do you accept your child making Cs when you know darn well he or she is capable of making As and Bs? You get the idea.

Be honest with yourself. You could be accepting things from your kids that you know you shouldn't. This goes beyond the occasional times when you let things slide for one reason or another. We're all guilty of that. However, if you regularly accept meanness, shouting matches, rule breaking, snarky attitudes, disrespect, poor grades and other such nonsense from your child, and, worse, let them get away with it without consequences, then that's exactly the types of problematic behavior you're going to get. Continue allowing such behavior to go unchallenged and unabated, and your kids and teens will only feel more justified and emboldened going forward. They will continue to talk back, act out or disobey because they know they can get away with it. And not just at home, but most likely at school, too.

But children aren't the real problem here. As their parent or guardian, you are the problem. Why blame you? Because parents who constantly ignore and excuse bad behavior choose to accept it rather than alter it. Idle threats ("you're going to be so grounded!") and stall tactics ("if you do that one more time...") aren't part of the solution. They're a big part of the problem. See, real change comes when you decide enough is enough. Bottom line, the bad behavior isn't going to stop until you stop accepting it. So how do you do it?

As a parent, it's your job to demand and expect the best from your child in all sectors of their lifeat home, at school, at play. We all know kids are kids and that they won't always offer up their best to you, their teachers or their friends. So when your kids fall short of your expectations, you have to challenge them on it

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