by Jo Ann Wentzel

Created on: April 19, 2009   Last Updated: April 21, 2009

It becomes apparent very soon once your kids become teens that parenting sup­port is vital. In two-parent families, this is usually your spouse. If you are very lucky; your extended family will offer support also; but what about those parents without mates or those far from their own families?
When two parents are raising a child together, you have each other for encour­agement and conversation concerning par­enting issues. A single parent needs anoth­er person also. (Maybe two or three would be even better.) If there is a significant other in your life, hopefully he or she is that person. Close-by family surely could help, but sometimes don't. The parent without a support network is more likely to have trouble with their kids, simply because they cannot be everywhere and cannot be both mother and father.

I believe the two-parents, one of each sex family is the easiest combination by which to raise children. Lacking this, I rec­ommend finding an appropriate person who really enjoys kids and fulfills the role of the missing parent. This person should also want to be involved. Thrusting the duty of a support person on someone uninterested and unsuspecting will have very poor results. The appropriate person will like and care about your children and will want all the best for them like a parent does.
Where will you find such a person? If we rule out your mate, and your family, we find friends and associates. A friend will be your best choice, but there are people out there who are interested in kids and could act as mentors. You could use someone from Big Brothers or Big Sisters, scouting, your church, or the mentor program in your area. There are many other possibilities; maybe even an elderly neighbor would love to help. If you use a friend, they should be as close in location as pos­sible for a crisis situation, although the phone and e-mail make this less necessary than in the past. You should have someone who is familiar with your kids, their prob­lems, and your family history and dynam­ics. They should be willing and accessible as often as possible.
What will this support person do? They will familiarize themselves with your con­cerns. They do this by being a good listen­er. They will offer ideas, suggestions, resources, a place to whine, and shoulder on which to cry. They will encourage you when things look grim and celebrate with you all those little parenting accomplish­ments that no one seems to notice. They will be there for you.
Another great place for support is the Internet. There are many parenting websites; find one of many sites that offer a bulletin board to post problems and concerns and receive answers. Some also offer a list ­to continually share ideas and get a helpful flow of information going.
Use everything at your disposal. Ask your pastor or favorite teacher for ideas they may even offer to be that support person. Get help don't go it alone.

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