by Anne Seyor

Created on: April 19, 2009

It is painful to lose someone you love deeply, someone you hoped to spend forever with. It not only breaks your heart but also crushes your spirit causing despair and emptiness.

I had hoped to be with William. We were friends since our early teens. I envisioned having him in the rest of my life because I couldn't imagine life without him. He seemed to have always been a part of my life like I couldn't remember life before him. As I grew up and became a young lady I assumed he would always be one of my good friends and nothing more. I didn't see us becoming a couple. Our friendship was platonic, never romantic. As I grew into womanhood I gave serious contemplation to the question who do I want as my life-long partner? I knew William and I would make a good couple together because we were good friends and we understood one another well. We had a friendship that had developed through many years. I knew it would take a long time to find someone to develop a friendship and understanding that we shared.

Two years after concluding that he was the one for me I plucked up the courage to confess my thoughts and feelings. I had two plans. Plan A was to speak to him in person. Plan B was if I couldn't do Plan A I would hand him a written letter. The Sunday arrived when I was to reveal to him my thoughts and feelings. I handed him the letter because I couldn't arrange a private appointment so to speak.

The following Sunday he responded in person that he respected me for disclosing to him. He didn't talk about it any further but we started talking about our lives as though the confession never happened. I wasn't upset. In fact I was relieved because I didn't ruin the friendship we shared.

However the following Sunday after that and the next one I received not a word from him. I sensed he was avoiding me. I confided in my best friend and she noticed it too.

What happened? He acted as though nothing changed between us for better or worse when I told him. Then the next two times we meet I get his cold shoulder. I am mad at his fickle and immature behavior about not being open on what he really thinks of my confession. After all I risked, I deserve a clear front don't I? I am upset that he doesn't want to continue our friendship we started twelve years ago. I am hurt that I wasn't important enough a part in his life to be missed, instead by him I am easily dismissed.

When I read the title of this topic I immediately knew I wanted to share because it perfectly sums up the situation I am currently in. I wanted to rant on about how angry he has made me and how much he hurt me but I think writing about what happened is better for me and for you reading. I think there's probably enough rants from people who have been heart-broken by someone else.

The deal is I see this guy weekly because we both belong to the same club. When I see him I am constantly reminded of losing his love.

Losing his love is being stabbed in the heart with many small knives each representing a memory he chooses to ignore. It causes me to choke and tear up because I know my heart is being shredded and I can't stop it from happening for a very long time.

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