by Rick Badman

Created on: April 19, 2009

They say politics is the only profession that lets ugly people appear on TV. I must add that it is also a profession that allows stupid people to think they're geniuses.

I've thought about running for office. But you have to know someone or have some kind of connection in order to be elected. Then again, being a popular TV actor or having a billion dollars to fund your campaign doesn't hurt. I even wrote my Presidential platform back in 1980 I would have used if I had run in 1992. I sometimes think old Ronny Reagan may have read it because a couple years after I sent it to him, he suggested building a satellite defense system like I had suggested in my chapter about national defense.

Actually, I have some things against me that might keep me from being elected. First, I'm relatively poor. If I ran for office, I would be looking forward to making more money than I do now. Also, I'm a Republican. Democrats can have weekly orgies and no one cares because the Democrat party is a big tent party that includes anyone. (Too bad that it seems there are nothing but clowns inside.) I would want to serve my constituents well and do something significant while in Washington that would benefit the citizens. I guess it's the old Jimmy Stewart in "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington" syndrome. He too wanted to make a difference in the Capitol. (At least if he were around today and failed he could work for Fox News as a commentator.)

There used to be a time when even Democrats wanted to save the taxpayers money. (I think it was back when Washington had a fairly decent baseball team called the Senators.) A man named William Proxmire awarded the Golden Turkey Awards to the pork projects that made no sense. Such things as observing the mating habits of the Purple Poopers were targeted by him for elimination. It was so long ago that a billion dollars was a lot of money; not the amount of money Washington wastes before lunch time. I would love to become a Republican Proxmire who exposed government waste and silly programs and plans that should be eliminated. But I would probably be attacked by thsoe who propose the silly programs and plans and CNN might do a hit piece on me and make me look too dangerous to remain in office.

I can imagine how the interviews might be. Larry King might ask me, "Congressman, how long have you been beating your wife?" (I don't have a wife to beat, so I have to beat my staff.) Chris Matthews might ask me, "Since you support the continued use of coal for energy, how many children do you want to have die from lung cancer?" (I don't want them to die from lung cancer. I'd rather they worked in the coal mines and died from black lung disease.) And Anderson Cooper might ask me, "How can you support the death penalty and oppose abortion? What about the women that might die if they don't have an abortion?" (Until I hear about fetuses packing Glocks and shooting the doctors that try to abort them, I'm going to have to support the death penalty and oppose abortion.)

At least if I lose an election I might be able to work for Fox News Channel. (If anyone right of Atilla the Hun can work for the network, I might fit in well.)

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