by Richard Max Detrano

Created on: April 19, 2009   Last Updated: April 20, 2009

Do you know what makes me mad? People who go all Lou Dobbs about robots. People say things like: All robots look alike. Robots should speak English. Robots are taking all the jobs. Robots don't pay enough taxes. Robots reproduce like bunnies. I don't want my child playing with a robot, or goodness gracious, marrying a robot.

An acquaintance of mine, who discriminates against robots, but never actually met one, received a Roomba for Christmas "I pushed its power button," she said. "It was so cute when it sounded the "charge," and scurried across the floor gobbling up dust bunnies. I love Roomba," she said. "But I still don't like robots." It is typical to think that your robot is somehow different from other robots. Those other robots can not be trusted.

It may take another generation, one where our children are raised amongst robots, for them to gain acceptance. Like the washing machine and the automobile, robots are part of our future.

It is true that robots can be hard to tell apart. I remember Sarah Connor in Terminator II. She damn near wet her pants when a series 800-Model 101 showed up, a few years after she'd sent its twin to the scrap heap. Given a little time, however, she got acquainted with the big, muscle-bound machine. She fantasized about keeping him on as dad and husband. After all, he got along well with the boy, was a good provider, and would stop at nothing to protect her family.

Although robots are loyal and dependable, they do screw up once in a while. I'm thinking of HAL in 2001, A Space Odyssey. He definitely made a mistake of judgment. I still think he deserved a second chance? For every HAL, there are dozens of R2-D2's and 3CPO's. And that cute little WALL-E.

Occasionally, there is a bad egg, like ED-209 in RoboCop. Or the Battle Droids in Star Wars. But are they worse than rottweilers and pit bulls? Surely, some of them can be rehabilitated, and make good pets.

From an economic point of view, you can't beat robots. They work day and night. They rarely call in sick. They add to the nation's GDP, and don't require pensions or health care. They are terrific with numbers and rarely have math anxiety. RoboDoc performs delicate surgeries 24/7 and he never gets the shakes.

But, you ask, "What if they go into politics?" Will they impose their culture, their language, and their way of life on us? Forget about it. No one can resist Big Macs, vacations to Disneyland, and shopping at Walmart. This is America..

Face it, robots are here to stay. They are willing to do ANYTHING. They make great maids and gardeners, sweepers and scrubbers, mowers and choppers. There are robots that care for the elderly, wash their dirty bottoms and soon perhaps, play Yahtzee with them. There are robots that imitate pets yet don't require walks nor litter boxes. Even robots that'll go the fridge, grab a cold beer, and bring it to you. If it's eager to watch the Super Bowl, and play Wii Tennis, you got yourself a great roommate.

As far as intermarriage with a robot, didn't they try that in The Stepford Wives? Maybe it was just too soon.

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