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to begin with, it is hard to work together and communicate the trouble that was happening and the path you want to move forth on. A skilled counselor will be able to serve as a go-between, diffusing angry eruptions and accusations and helping you to understand one another.

The spouse who cheated will have to understand that their partner will need what mean seem like an excessive amount of reassurance during the initial period after disclosure of the affair. This is normal and it probably won't last forever. He or she will also need to understand that their partner will more than likely want to know what they are doing for their own sense of security for a time. There are consequences to breaking trust and he or she should be willing to accept them.

The spouse who was cheated on should be willing to admit if they were doing things wrong in the marriage, even if those things seem so much less harmful than what their partner has done. Affairs are rarely about only one person's misbehavior. In addition to this and forgiving, they may need to help their spouse forgive him or herself. Until that person is able to do this, they can't heal and neither can the marriage. After a time, try to resist bringing up the affair constantly and work on building your partner back up. He or she is probably feeling quite exhausted and you shouldn't wear them down further, if you can help it. Try and re-energize them so that the marriage itself can be, as well.

An affair is the most painful and brutal thing that can hit a marriage. However, it need not mean that the end has come. It always means that the marriage is sick and needs help. If you and your spouse are willing to doctor it along, you may just find that the greatest years of your love story are waiting for you to step into them.

Learn more about this author, Victoria Tiegert.
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