by Jacqueline Bartelmo

Created on: April 18, 2009

Her secret

feel his eyes burning into mine
Searching for a reason, searching for an answer
A sadness we both share, an unexplainable happening that is hard to bear
I imagine we are finished, I predict this is the end
I am not sure how he will react when I tell him the news, but for now we stand quietly
As he reaches out his hand; reaches for my face
And gently wipes away each tear, replacing them with a kiss

He runs his fingers through my hair, twisting it and twirling it
Tucking it behind my ear; then he grabs my hands
With a grasp so strong, making me feel like I do belong
He pulls me closer and wraps his arms around me
Making me feel like he just swallowed me whole
Finally he speaks, with his voice so deep and sincere
Whispering softly into my ear; he tells me he loves me, he longs to have me near
But my response is only more tears which express my secret and pain
I pull away, but hold on to his hand and try to gain back my composure and act tough
I stare straight into his eyes hoping he could some how know what I can't seem to say
We gaze at one another for only a minute, but it seems like a lifetime
Then I look down at the ground to gain courage to speak
The way he still looks at me makes me so weak
Finally I gather all the words I must say
Then I start to shake while my heart beats at a faster pace
I don't want to let him go, but how can he love me after I let him know
I don't think he will listen and I know he won't understand
But it's not fair to keep this secret, he really must know
So with these thoughts in mind, I must stop wasting time
I pull his ear to my mouth and whisper to him
I have a disease, and it is slowly killing me
Maybe I have 8 months, maybe only five, maybe even a whole year
I guess until it's my time and destiny arrives
I tell him I love him but we must go our separate ways
He has to move on and have many more dates
I apologized for not telling him sooner, but he continues to wait
He shows me he understands and that he could care less
As he pulls me closer and kisses away my breath
We hold each other for hours, leaving tear stains on our shirts
HIV now turned into AIDS; given to me by my no good junkie mother, at birth
Who never once thought about me and the outcome I would have to deal with
A disease I must live with at least while I am on this earth
So that is my secret that is what has taken control over me
A year has now passed, but only one day for me; I'm in heaven now surrounded by peace
My boyfriend stuck by me saying I was worth the heartache and tears
He never left my side, through the laughter, tears, and our fears
From Heaven I always watch him and make sure he is safe
Smiling down at him in our special way
We both are content because we know we will soon reunite and hold each other again
But some days are harder than others and he begins to miss me even more
So I send him this message from our bright tunnel's door
Take a deep breath and relax, clear your mind of all thoughts
Look deep into the sky, beyond the clouds and the sun
Show your faith and your belief and allow yourself to see
The beautiful dove and the miraculous angel flying together happily in sync
Representing you and me and all the happiness we will once again bring.

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