by Jim Ruth

Created on: April 18, 2009   Last Updated: April 21, 2009

I'm incredibly sentimental and a hopeless romantic. A sappy love story like "Notting Hill" qualifies as great cinema for me. There are countless romantic movies that I simply won't watch in the company of other people (even my wife) because I get embarrassingly emotional over them.

And for all that I've been on a crusade for years, fighting against the definition of love in our culture today. I clearly don't have anything against all of the warm, fuzzy feelings or the blazing hot ones that pass for love today. Life would be pretty barren without them, but they simply are not "Love."

I have been married nearly 30 years. I love my wife. I also feel affection for her and even at this point in our lives I definitely lust after her. Those are all different things. Either affection even the most casual fondness or lust, passes for love in our culture, but neither of them really are.

Love isn't an emotion. Love is a decision we make. Over the years, my wife's frequent response to my saying "I Love You" would be to ask me why. At first, being as much in the dark as anyone about what love really is, I would reply that I didn't know. That I just couldn't help myself. At some point in time, probably after one of her marvelous meals, I answered "Because you feed me." That was my standard answer for a number of years.

Finally, though, I understood well enough to answer truthfully. Now my answer is "Because I promised to."

That is real love. A promise that is kept. No ifs or buts. I said I would love you, so I do.

When we meet someone and "fall in love," the world is a beautiful place. The object of our affection is beautiful, bright and witty probably the most perfect person God has chosen to put on this earth since His own son walked the earth. Things have a tendency to change, though. I can pretty much guarantee that, no matter how much in love you are, there will come a time (at least one time, probably more than one) when you look at this person sleeping beside you and ask yourself "What on earth was I THINKING?"

That's when you find out if you love that person. You can focus on the negatives and start slowly eroding the relationship, or you can focus on the positives and continually build the relationship. I promise you, I could destroy any marriage if I could lead either partner down the path of focusing on their mate's shortcomings. We all have them, so it isn't difficult to dredge them up and keep coming back to them over and over and over.

The "Love Chapter" of the Bible, 1 Corinthians 13, starts out very auspiciously "And now I will show you the most excellent way." Surely the most excellent way is the way we want to go, right? Then, in verses 4 through 6, we see the real nature of love: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

Love is. Love does not. Love always. No qualifications here. No getting off of the hook because I don't "feel" very loving right now. No excuse that "I just fell out of love." No. Love is a decision. Love is a promise. Love is a commitment. And the comfort of having someone beside you after decades together, someone that you trust to be with you through thick and thin because they have already stuck with you through thick and thin, is the result of a lifetime of love.

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