by J. Beth Trent

Created on: April 18, 2009

It's difficult, if not impossible to discern the exact moment a marriage has taken its final breath. And if that sounds dramatic, it is. Make no mistake, there's a definitive grieving process when a marriage ends, even if you can't pinpoint which event or moment that brought it to its close. Still, there are warning signs and anyone who's struggled through a divorce will most often admit they only saw them in hindsight.

Anytime human nature's involved, you can be sure it's messy, unpredictable and too many times, entirely too unpleasant. It's not a simple question of whether or not you're happy in your marriage; that's too subjective. It's not a matter of hate; again, there are those moments that even though you're certain you dislike your spouse a whole lot and you clearly hate his or her actions, you can say without much hesitation that you don't hate the missus or your one-time Mr. Wonderful. So how do you know?

Is it when the bad times far outnumber the good times? Or maybe it's when the resentment is so overwhelming, you're sure you taste poison each time you speak to your spouse. Those are drastic examples; often, it's as simple as waking up and knowing in the depths of your soul that you're done. You're simply finished. There's a sense of being non-plussed and sometimes that comes after a period of resentment or other turmoil. You know the anger's gone, but it sure left little else of the love you once felt. Then you're left wondering if this is temporary. Will these feelings pass too?

You begin questioning your future without your spouse. What happens if, in six months, you realize you made a mistake? What if you broke his heart? What if she's now so jaded and finds herself doubting everything she thought she once knew, all because you chose to walk away from your wife? These are all serious questions you must ask yourself. Still, if after a lot of soul searching you're sure you want out, then maybe it's time. Although many believe life's just too short to remain unhappy, these people are the very ones who believe there's a huge level of responsibility that goes with that belief. Remember, happiness is subjective, yes?

Once you've come full circle and made your decision, the best next thing you can do is be kind. Leave the hurt, anger, frustration and resentment behind. Leave it behind for you and leave it behind for your spouse. The last thing either of you need as you pick up the pieces is for those pieces to be laden with those negative emotions. If you truly believe life is too short to be unhappy, don't become your own worst enemy by insisting on keeping those old hurts. Otherwise, you've not come full circle at all.

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