by Shelly Purucker

Created on: April 18, 2009

It is my son who suffers from addiction, Or possibly it is myself who is the true addict . To define the meaning of this label, I ask my self who is the real addict? Please Stand Up! Can a Mother be an addict of belief and love for her son? I myself do not abuse any form of drugs or alcohol, but .. I have a Want and Need for truth.

Time after time , I have believed in this son of mine. Dropping out of High School was the first fight I battled with him. Truancy offered no assistance to the habit of skipping classes. I was ultimately responsible for him however, until he reached the age of eighteen, WOW! what a blow to the mind. I would search for him while I was on a lunch hour from my job. I would call everyone I knew and try to locate him. I would stay awake for hours past the time I should have been seeking much needed sleep. My moods became irritable many times with co-workers, friends, and family as well. Try and answer someone, when they ask you, " how are you this morning?" It is nearly impossible to smile upon that person, and be honest in the reply.

The age old cliche "idle time, is idle mind" stands true. When an adolescent is not in a school classroom, time is plentiful. One looks for ideas to fill that void. Adolescence and Drug Abuse and Drug Abuse is not a good mix for a healthy kick start into life. To partake in smoking marijuana is just one activity to be learned. Extreme sports are enjoyed with support of other delinquents. Vandalism can and often does occur. Low self esteem is an issue that relates to drug addiction and begins a vulnerable search for additional methods of enjoyment.

I think I am beginning to recover from this addiction I have developed, when I realize I am the first to ask "what did he do this time?" I no longer believe in him when he looks at me through the glass of a jail cell and speaks into the phone ,that he is done with breaking the law, smoking dope, lies, and hanging out with the slime he usually runs with. Well.. maybe I only realized a partial way to my recovery after I visited him in jail on his fifth booking. The slime spoken of, is some of the worst types. Guns, Drugs, Sex, and Crime are a piece of the power that these individuals achieve in. To be afraid and paranoid of the people associated with your child is a negative for me. To overcome the possibility of my son's death or a life in prison confines is another thought I prefer not to succumb to. The fact that successful employment can be obtained and self dependency wouldactually be an event for my son is another matter.

I seek , search and want only the best for this young man and if the stimulant or desire is met than I am to be fulfilled in my addicted attitude for peace of mind.

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