by Rob Purifoy

Created on: April 17, 2009

For many of us a breakup comes like a Tsunami, a wave that you don't see until it destroys everything around you, maybe even you too. There are many levels to a breakup, and men and women handle it differently as they work through one, which adds a whole other dimension to the topic itself. Psychologists and counselors seek to break down basic attitudes and reasoning, but because situations between men and women vary so much, it's only a baseline from which both parties must practice self inflection. Speaking in both first and third person, here are some things I've learned from both personal experience and from studying human interpersonal relationships.

The Mans perspective

"Everything is fine, there are no problems in the relationship, she'll get over it. She nag's too much, never appreciates anything or the fact that I work all day and have to deal with the daily stress that goes along with it. I come home to hear her griping about something or other and she doesn't understand that I need time for myself to chill out".

The Woman's perspective

"We've had such a bad week, I might break up with him. He never listens to me no matter how many times I ask him nicely, and he does nothing around the house. He doesn't spend any time with me anymore, and we never go out".

This is an example of complacency, and it happens to most of us, which unfortunately can lead to a breakup if not realized in time. Men are the ones that usually get blindsided when a breakup happens because men are terrible hint takers. The woman may be hinting for years and the man just blindly goes about his ways until one day, Bam, the Tsunami hits.

During my breakup of a very long time relationship, I experienced about 6 emotions all at one time, which I never thought was possible. Let's see, there was elation, anger, jealousy, depression, self resentment and even satisfaction. Each relationship is different and people will act and react based on emotions and expectations which were carried into a relationship (baggage).

Baggage is the one thing can ruin a relationship because it can generate a subconscious recipe for failure. Yes, people can actually set up a failure because they unwittingly expect it to fail and therefore make it so. In psychological terms, this is called the Pygmalion effect, or to put it in English, a self fulfilling prophesy. But this effect also works in reverse in that people will act as they are treated. We ourselves can unwittingly ruin a relationship in subconscious ways.

After

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