by Melinda Glover

Created on: April 17, 2009

Your past is exactly where it should be-in the past. While some aspects of your past remain important throughout your lifetime and into marriage, your past relationships and romantic encounters is not one of them, and for many logical reasons, the first of which being jealousy. All relationships are as different and unique as the men in which you engage in them with. Some are romantic and passionate, yet others are lacking in romance but rank high in shared interests and activities, and over all companionship. If your relationship with your husband is lacking in some areas, whether it be sexually, emotionally, or simply that you don't share a lot of the same interests, but your last relationship before entering into the marriage was the complete opposite and you tell your husband about it in detail, some form of jealousy will develop and jealousy is never healthy in a marriage.

Another sensible reasoning in not divulging information about your romantic past pertains to how the information is delivered, and read. A story which you might tell, or a statement you may make could be totally factual and without any hidden emotion, yet to your husband on the receiving end it may not come across that way. In sparing him of the memories of your past romance you may also be sparing him, and your marriage, of any unnecessary anxiety or resentment, and lets face it, marriage can be hard work period, who really needs the extra struggles to overcome?

There are some exceptions to every rule, this one included. Our past contributes to, and influences, who we are and the types of beliefs, fears, anxieties, and tolerances will have through out our lifetime. Maybe a past relationship has substantially affected you in some way whether due to domestic violence, betrayal, or adultery. These things would obviously affect how you behave in, and handle certain incidents, in your marriage. For example, if you had been in a violent relationship in your past, and an argument with your husband that involves a yelling match causes you to become scared, than this is something your husband needs to understand. These types of situations are a rarity to the rule, and it is during these times when, yes, sharing information about your past relationships is a good idea and will probably be beneficial to your marriage and personal well being in the long run.

Whether you wish to share your romantic past with your husband or not, the topic is bound to come up sooner or later, and when it does you need to decide how you will handle it, how much you are willing to share if any, and how you will present the information. In deciding there are a few questions to ask yourself which should help. First of all, if the tables were turned how much would you want to know? If you share certain stories with him will it change how he sees you as a woman and wife? Does the information you are going to share harbour any sort of emotions that could be misinterpreted?

Sharing details about past romance with your husband can put you in a sticky situation. Know your relationship and stick within the comfort levels, consider his feelings as well as your own, and remember, not only did you have past romances and relationships but he did as well, how would you feel if listening to tales of women in his past? Marriage is a lifetime commitment and one that requires nurturing, trust, honesty, and respect. Consider all of these aspects when discussing past loves, and be sure to also keep in your mind, and his, who is your greatest love of all!

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