by Barb Jackson

Created on: April 17, 2009

"Mom can my boyfriend stay overnight?" This can be a very scary thought to the parent of a teenager, and as the mom of two teen daughters I've been down this road before. Should you as the parent allow this? It is never an easy decision but it primarily revolves around each parents, parenting philosophy.

Many parents could never except a coed sleeping arrangement in their house for a variety of reasons. For some parents it's strictly a moral decision, that no unmarried couples should share the same bed in their house. Other parents may be just uncomfortable knowing that their teenage daughter and her boyfriend are sleeping together under their roof. Some parents could object based on the nature of the relationship between their daughter and her boyfriend. But regardless of the reasons...if the parent does not want this to happen...as Nancy Reagan used to say..."Just say No." Parent's need to realize that there is nothing wrong with saying the No word. It's always better to explain to your teen why you are saying No. It can clarify and reaffirm the family values. It is absolutely the parent's right to be able to say No to a coed sleepover if that is the parent's decision.

On the other hand, if you daughter asks you if their boyfriend can sleep over, realize that them asking this question of parents can be very traumatic to a teenager but it shows their maturity and their willingness to be open with their parents about making adult decisions. I am of the opinion that once your teen decides to become sexually active, they will find a time and a place to do it regardless of how close a parent monitors their relationship. I was a teen once so I know. Hopefully by the time a teen becomes intimate, they understand safe sex and love in a committed relationship and are not "doing the deed" with the boyfriend of the month.

Teen love and teen desires are no different than those that we adults have. And I've always believed and have taught my girls that having sex in a loving and committed relationship can be a wonderful experience. I have never encouraged my daughters to have sex but I have always stressed to them about love and commitment and that physical pleasure can be an important part of a serious long term relationship. I do not know any parents that are happy that their teens are sexually active but I do know parents, including myself, that accept that it can happen.

Yes I have allowed sleepovers, and yes in the same bed. My girls have always been respectful and discrete about it and have never flaunted it...knowing that that would be pushing the envelope past my comfort level. But I have raised them to not think of sex as a bad thing but as something that can be good and healthy for mature young adults in long term relationships. And by allowing coed sleeping in my house, I know they are safe and not in the back seat of a car or parked in the woods or wherever they would try to do this.

Sure not everyone will agree with me and that's why I began this article by saying, "it's ok to say no." It's entirely up to the parents of the teens involved and the parent's value system and comfort level. If you want to say No...go ahead. And if you are like me...you can say Yes also.

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