by Grace Rolyat

Created on: April 17, 2009

How am I expected to write when "Showgirls" is on for the umpteenth time! The fact the Elizabeth Berkley is parading around in next to nothing and getting angry with every man that says "Hello." Is reason alone to shut down the PC, and crawl under the covers with the nearest gallon of Haagen-Dazs.

That was a joke.

Did I mention this version is being aired on some family station where everything has been edited. How am I to finish the next great American novel, when there is a story about a psychotic, dim-witted, poorly trained, erotic dancer still dealing with her teenage angst who was definitely in her 30's, crying out to me with her sob story. To have her drive for life, I should be so lucky! My only salvation is that they've spray painted black bras and g-strings on all the no-no parts, there is a GOD and he is merciful.

There are so many reasons why I should be writing, but the four or five why I've chosen not to are far more interesting, so as a writer I am going to share them with you. Reason number two; my hands are way to cold. All this typing and clicking has my hands feeling like, well I don't know what because I can't feel them.

Reason number three, it's about two a.m. and I should be in bed, I have had the most awful sleeping patterns the last two months. I lost my job, boyfriend troubles, boyfriend's wife troubles and now it's becoming spring and beautiful outside and all I want to do is head back to the basement and crawl under the covers (did I mention I live at home with my parents.)

Reason number four, I have to go to the bathroom and I want a snack. All this movie critiquing and avoidance is making me anxious and a bit hungry. But seeing as how it is getting late I have decided against the snack and opted for the potty.

Finally, number five. Of course it is better to surf Helium reading different stories and articles and eventually write about. why I should be writing! If procrastination and bad movie watching has taught me anything it has taught me this. The world needs creative thinkers.

If Dooms Day were to come, and in time a new society evolved and found our artifacts; would they find Hemingway, Nietzsche or Shakespeare? I bet not. But I am sure with all the carnage and the survival of the cockroach, somewhere a DVD of "Showgirls" will emerge and mark our time in history. I BEG YOU FOR OUR CHILDERNS SAKE, GO WRITE! I know as soon as I get finished tweezing my eyebrows, I'm gonna take a quick nap and get right to writing... Uh oh "Dirty Dancing" is on..well maybe eventually.

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