by Elizabeth Turner

Created on: January 30, 2007   Last Updated: April 23, 2007

One of the most difficult things about being pregnant - and there are many - is having to listen to other people's advice. From the moment you first start to show, everyone you know is suddenly a baby expert. Of course, pregnancy is only the beginning. As soon as the baby arrives, you have a whole new wave of advice to work through. It is incredibly frustrating - while of course, you want to welcome helpful advice (especially if it's your first child) you also want to do it your way. Because, it's YOUR baby. We learn quickly how to disregard strangers' advice. But when it's coming from your parents, cousins, inlaws, siblings, and so on and so forth, how do you deal with that?

Always keep this in mind: This is my child. MY child. Not their child. My child.
With that in mind, and learning each of the following steps, you'll find friendly advice that you don't want becomes easier to swallow.

Learn how to deal with each family member separately. You might be able to tell your brother to leave you alone but that will hurt your mother-in-law's feelings. Wording is important. "Brother, raise your own kids." "Mother, that's a good idea for baby girls, but I recently read that it's not so good for baby boys." See the difference?
Choose your battles. You're at a family get-together, and your cousin starts in about how if the blankets in your baby's crib are from such-and-such company then you had better get rid of them because in such-and-such year there was a recall on all the blankets because it was found that the material they were using was causing X to happen. You've heard about this, you looked into it, and you know that it's not actually what happened, and you know that you have nothing to worry about. Do you really need to waste energy arguing with her? No, because she's just trying to help and she never comes to your house anyway so she'll never know you ignored her advice. It's easier on you and she feels good because she helped.
Know when to stand your ground. When you feel strongly about something that's being pushed on you or your children, it is your responsibility to stand up for your family. For example, say your doctor and all your books say that wrapping the baby so his arms and legs are restricted can help him to feel more comfortable, since he just came from a very small place in your belly and now suddenly having all this space around him could make him feel uneasy, like he's falling all the time. Your aunt thinks this is ridiculous and she keeps unwrapping him. Sure enough, you're noticing that he keeps throwing his arms and legs out like he's falling and trying to catch himself, and he can only fall asleep when he's wrapped up. Your aunt is not trying to be cruel, but you have to stand up to her for his sake because it is his comfort that matters, not hers. She's an adult, she'll get over it. He is a baby and won't sleep unless he's comfortable and feels safe and secure. It's as simple as that.
So just remember to deal with each family member accordingly, choose your battles, and know when to stand up for yourself or your child. It makes everything a hundred times easier. And remember, they only want to help, but they'll get over it. These are YOUR kids. You know best.

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