by Tami Erickson

Created on: April 16, 2009

The topic of abortion is controversial to begin with but it gets more so when you begin to dissect its many complicated layers and throw in the opinions, concerns and interests of others, especially the alleged father.

I believe a woman is the sole proprietor of her body, mind and spirit. I believe this is true for all individuals, men and women. I also believe a woman carries the sole responsibility for the fetus that grows within her. She is responsible for carrying and nurturing that fetus within her womb for nine months, for birthing it into the world, and for most women, responsible for and required to dedicate her entire life to the child that is born. It's a huge responsibility that should not be taken lightly or committed to without thought. It is because of this responsibility that I believe a woman should be the ultimate decision maker in choosing to have an abortion or not.

Unfortunately, most things in life are not so black and white. We live within a continuum of various shades of gray causing each situation to be different. When deciding whether or not the alleged father of a fetus should have a say in the matter of abortion depends significantly on the exclusive circumstances of the individuals involved.

If a pregnancy is the result of rape or incest, then no, the alleged father has no right in the matter. However, if a woman and man are in a committed relationship, chose to get pregnant, but find themselves in the midst of a serious health issue for the mother or the fetus, then, yes, the alleged father should have a say in the matter. In my mind these are examples from the opposite ends of the spectrum, black and white circumstances that make the decision making less convoluted.

It's those gray areas where circumstances are vague, complicated or troublesome that creates a situation where only the mother has the right to choose what is best for her and the fetus she carries. No one should tell her what to do. The choice should be hers alone. After-all, she is the one who will live with her choice for the rest of her life.

We each have our own opinions based on what we believe, but to really help the mother who is faced with such a difficult decision we should do the best we can to provide her with the tools needed to make her life-altering decision.

Whether we are a friend, family member, or professional, our role should be to provide a woman with information and education in an unbiased and non-threatening manner. Information that will allow her to make an informed decision based on the consequences of all available options.

If she chooses to involve the alleged father in that decision making process that too is her choice and her choice alone. Only she knows the specific circumstances of their relationship and the road that brought them to this juncture in life. It is her choice.

In some rare instances a woman may not be capable of choosing for herself, yes, another area on that gray spectrum. Even then the matter must be weighed and all the circumstances and options examined. The result may still be to exclude the alleged father from the decision-making process, but it is still just a matter of individual choice.

Learn more about this author, Tami Erickson.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.