by J. Thornton-Thomas

Created on: April 16, 2009

When my daughter's boyfriend moved in with her, it was against my better judgement but she was twenty-four and living in her own place. This soon proved to be a mistake as she lost his job and she then lost hers. They got behind on their rent, car payments, insurance, etc. When they came to me and my husband, we sat down with them to discuss their situation. The young man seemed nice but just going through a bad spell, so we agreed to help them out. We caught up all their bills, car payment and rent. They promised to pay us back and to continue looking for jobs.

He found a couple of jobs but decided not to take them because they didn't pay enough. My daughter succeeded in securing a job within walking distance to her place as they only had one car. About a month after she started working, we bought a used car outright and gave it to her because there were times her boyfriend wouldn't pick her up or take her to work. The weather was getting cold and there were times she worked the night shift.

Shortly after this, his car was repossessed and then he took her car, dropping her off at work. He didn't bother to look for jobs-he was out getting high and gambling. They got behind in their finances once more and this time we refused to help. They were evicted from their apartment. Soon after, she told us that she was pregnant. His grandmother came to their aid this time and helped them get another apartment.

When my daughter was six months pregnant, she was involved in a head-on collision. They were fortunate that they were seriously hurt, but the boyfriend convinced her to sue so she did and won a nice little settlement, which he spent and gambled away. They also received money after the car was declared a total loss. He spent that, too with no thought about the baby that was coming or the fact that his grandmother was not going to co-sign for another apartment-they didn't pay the rent on time. Noting the cycle, we refused to help them out fiancially anymore.

However, a week before the baby was due, I took them shopping for my grandchild-I was not going to let the come and not have anything for him. They were evicted a week after the baby was born and wanted to come live with us. We told my daughter that she and the baby could come, but not him-she cussed us out and turned on us, choosing to side with the man who had caused her so much angst.

He even called and told us that we were not good parents and all they needed was a chance. He said I hadn't done enough for my daughter and she needed us. I point blank told him that he was nothing but a bum and I would no longer support him. I love my daughter and the waythat she turned on me has hurt me deeply.

I tried to get along with her boyfriend, although I had my doubts about him from the very beginning. I haven't seen the baby as he took her to New York, but I pray for them every single day. My advice is to trust your instincts when it comes to your daughter's boyfriend because you're probably right in your suspicions.

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