by woodbine harvester

Created on: April 16, 2009   Last Updated: April 17, 2009

COMMUNICATION, without a doubt is one of, if not the single most important tool everyone needs to have in any relationship. Without it, you may as well not enter into one. Communication also comes in many forms and it is about recognising, what kind of communication is necessary for the chosen outcome. David and Petra, a couple I knew, were great at communicating at the beginning of their relationship. During this time, Petra discovered that as a young teenage boy, David often locked himself away, when family squabbles ensued, but in her ignorance she thought it was something he grew out of,by the time she met him.

David appeared to repeat certain patterns, within their own adult relationship and Petra was not able to work out, at the time, whether this was the effect from his childhood woes. Petra tried to reason with David about his behaviour and constantly asked what was WRONG with him. She know that, this was not the kind of communication, David appreciated and this made him feel as though something WAS wrong with him. Instead of understanding his need, to go through the motions of his feelings, she constantly barraged him with questions.

It is a really good idea for couples at the beginning of their relationships, to find out if they are compatible, by talking. Finding out about how they deal with certain situations. This is a great indicator for the future. Maybe doing a couple quiz, which highlights questions on compatibility, strengths and weaknesses.

The relationship, as you can imagine, after many years of trying to work things through and understand each other. David and Petra, especially David, concluded they were not compatible at all. But this was not the reality, Petra began to read up on counselling and whether it was something, that David would consider. Initially, because of the stigma attached to counselling, David repelled the idea and Petra decided to go for her own development. By helping herself, she could understand more about her partner.

The danger is though ,if one partner is open and wants to reach out. The other is still trying to deal with their own demons, and not ready, then the communication between you, can get much worse. Petra questioned, 'why would he not want to get some help' knowing that their relationship was under huge strain.

The knack to communication, at every phase or difficulty with a partner, is to try and discuss, without blame or criticizing. Checking with them, if it's okay to do or say something and how would they feel about it. With this in mind, I find that knowing how to talk to your partner is the key, they may need a hug, rather than words. Or a thoughtful gesture, like leaving a note or an email to let them know that you are thinking of them. This has the effect of allowing partners to feel less pressure to talk if they don't want to, yet feeling secure enough, to open up when they are ready. Communication in all forms, is the KEY,

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