Hi,

I don't know you, but you seem to know me. And since I somehow got on your mailing list and keep getting unsolicited emails from you, I think it's time we talked.

First, I'd like to thank all of you people from Nigeria for wanting to give me a chance at earning big bucks (actually, millions) by depositing your checks for you into my personal bank account. Unfortunately, since I don't know you from Adam, that doesn't work for me, so I'll have to pass; but thank you so much for thinking of me. I wish you all the best, and I am sorry about your father who was deposed (or whatever).

Next, I'd like to address the people who keep sending me emails about how I can deal with erectile dysfunction and/or get information on penile enhancement. I really wish I could take advantage of your offer, but since I'm a female, I can't, as good a deal as it is.

To all of you offering me loans at great interest rates, I think not. It's not that I couldn't use the money, but having been unemployed for almost a year before finding my new job, and making about half of what I made previously, a loan would probably not be prudent right now.

And a big thank you to all of the states and countries who sent emails stating that I had won their lottery. Gosh, I don't know what to say, especially since I haven't bought any tickets. Perhaps you've mixed me up with someone else?

Likewise, I would like to give a nod to all of you who offered me at-home jobs without interviewing me or even requesting a resume. Perhaps I should have answered you. My job search may not have taken as long, but I just wasn't up for the investment in equipment, etc. Thanks, anyway.

I especially want to take a minute to thank the people who sent me the warning that my Citibank account was in danger of being compromised. The only reason I did not get back to you with my account number verification and other information requested was the fact that I don't now nor have I ever had a Citibank account, but nice try.

And to all of you who have sent endless chain letters, a big thanks to all of you, but I really don't have the time to email your cute or heartwrenching or religious faith letters to 15 of my friends. I wish I did, but I don't.

Well, I think that about covers the most recent emails in my inbox. Once again, thank you all for thinking of me. Now go bother someone else.

Sincerely,

Linda Joyce

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