There are certain essential elements in any relationship, regardless of whether that relationship is heterosexual or homosexual. Factors such as trust and honesty, faithfullness and sincerety, make up the foundation of every successful partnership.
But still, a lesbian relationship is unique. It is a partnership formed between two women who have put their trust in one another, and hopefully with the intent of offering one another a fullfilling and rewarding bond. A bond that will grow in spite of life's difficulties, rather than crumble under challenging circumstances.
It is no secret that women tend to be vulnerable. In spite of our best "poker face", we tend to have a soft touch, and with it a soft heart. A heart that is subject to breaking. Let's face it ladies- we all want to belong to something, more specifically, to someone who will share our dreams, our aspirations, our values- our beds. With today's saturated lesbian dating scene, finding "Mrs. Right" can be like finding a needle in a stack of needles. So when we do find her, even if it's the forth time around, we want to invest a little in the new "partnership" that has us walking about in a dizzy, stupified daze, wandering what to do next.
Honesty, from the beginning, is paramount. I say this because no one likes surprises- not really. Oh, it may be cute at first to learn little things about "Ms. Perfect", like how she enjoys french toast in bed on Saturday mornings. We can all live with that. But what happens when we learn that she also likes french toast in bed on Sundays- with your best friend? Not so cute anymore. That's why a little honesty as to each other's expectations for the relationship is so important. No one wants to be a wet blanket in a relationship. But no one wants to be left holding that wet, empty, blanket when the other person has moved on either. Does she want what you want? If not, re-evaluate and reconsider. Hurt feelings in the beginning are much easier to deal with than a broken heart months, or even years, down the line.
Compatibility, for me, is second to honesty. You may think you have a lot in common in the beginning- after all, you've finally found someone to share your passion for strawberry flavored whipped cream. How could life get better than that? But what happens when the "sweetness" of the moment wears off? And we all know that it does wear off. It's what I like to call "too much icing and not enough cupcake". It tastes good- it's fun, but eventually you will starve to death. You need substance in a relationship. Opposites do attract, but if you are too opposite you will eventually lose interest in one another. You will have no common ground. Likewise, if you are too alike, you will fall into the "competitive" dilemma. You will find yourselves jokeying for position in the relationship. You may come to resent one another. That's why it is important to find someone who compliments your interests and tastes, who shares similar visions but also contributes visions and interests all their own. You need someone who intrigues you. Who blows your skirt up, so to speak, with their ideals and passions. Someone you would find yourself admiring from a distance before you ever considered admiring from the other side of the bed.
Trust is perhaps the most overly used word in describing the perfect relationship. We want someone to "trust" us...we want to "trust" them, we want to know that we can go about our lives, enjoying relationships with other people because our partner "trusts" us. It's all crap, really. What we really need to start with is respect. We need to know that our partner "trusts" us because we "respect" them enough to acknowledge their place in our life in comparison to other people's places in our lives. Trusting someone has very little to do with the situation when we continue to behave as though we were single, justifying ourselves by false "trust". Be respectful. You don't deserve to be trusted if you are not respectful of your partner's feelings.
Finally, I think a healthy lesbian relationship, or any relationship for that matter, must be founded on the simple principle of "fun". You have to enjoy one another above all else. You have to be able to laugh together until you both pee your pants. I know that as we get older that will come without saying. But still, without the assistance of gravity, we need to laugh together until it hurts. We also need to cry together- be moved together in passion, in abandonment if you will. If everyone else thinks you are a couple of crazy old broads and you find yourself okay with that- great, you've arrived at that perfect relationship. I have just one final bit of advice- cherish it. Downright guard it, and do not let a day pass without acknowleging it. Whether it's from across the room or from the other side of the bed, find yourself intrigued with her.