Effective listening means more that using the ears to hear with. It's said that you have two ears and one mouth so you can listen twice as much as you can talk. Many people hear words being spoken but don't actually listen to what is being said. Proper listening requires using the mental skills of memory, logic and concentration.
To be effective at listening, you need to follow the rules that separates the great listener from the majority who have never cultivated the habit of listening. To listen properly, you must:
* Pay exclusive attention to both the words being spoken and the person who speaks. Poor listening stems from poor concentration. An undisciplined mind wanders constantly. Your thoughts often follow the direction of your eyes. So if your eyes are focused on the buffet table, your minds is not attuned to what is being said. Your eyes glaze over and the speaker stops as he senses you're not listening to him.
* Be open to the conversation. This simply means listening without passing judgment. It means listening to all the points being made before formulating your response. While you may think you understand the other person, you can miss an important point, or simply misinterpret what is actually said.
* Don't interrupt. Of course you want to get your two cents in or have the great urge to correct the other person. But to butt in before the other fellow has finished talking will produce resentment and hurt feelings on his part.
* Ask questions. It shows the speaker that you are actively listening to the subject instead of nodding absently. Everyone enjoys talking about themselves and appreciate the person who wants to know more about them and their knowledge. A good listener is never a big talker. He encourages others to talk.
* Acknowledge the conversation. If you remain stiff without showing any movement or emotion, the speaker will get the impression he's talking to a corpse. Nod in agreement or interject with an "I see"; "Really" or "Fascinating" to keep the conversation moving along.
* Watch your manners. It's rude to abruptly turn away from the speaker while he is in the middle of dispensing a point. Yet so many people break this rule constantly. The best tactic is to wait until the speaker finishes his talk before excusing yourself to talk with that cute girl in the red dress. If you must break off the conversation, promise the speaker you will return later to continue the discussion.
* Never criticize. You may not agree with what is being said, but that doesn't give you the right to call the speaker a moron for believing what he does. Offer up an opinion if the speaker asks for it or be gentle with your disagreement.
* Write something down. Carry a notepad with you so you can write down the speaker's name and any information he gives you. Everyone is impressed with the person who takes the time to write down some points they made.It makes for good communication.
* Remove distractions such as the TV, stereo or radio. Other than soft music in the background, any distractions pull away your ability to concentrate on the conversation at hand. When it comes to running and screaming children, it is understandable to excuse yourself to dampen their enthusiasm. Any adult understands this need and will not be offended if you abruptly stop to discipline your kids. Just make sure to return to the conversation.
* Be alert. It's hard to concentrate on anything if you're tired, sick or hungry.Carry on the conversation when you're feeling better.
* A good listener doesn't hog the conversation. No one likes listening to someone who loves to show off his wisdom through endless chatter. It encourages the listener to find any excuse to break off the conversation to talk to someone who has better sense than to be the number one star of the party.
Listening is a skill that can be learned. All that is required is the willingness to pay attention to others and subdue your natural inclination to interrupt. Learning the right techniques will make you the life of the party and someone who others will be eager to talk to. Friendships are developed through good listening skills.