by Mario Carini

Created on: April 15, 2009

Effective listening means more that using the ears to hear with. It's said that you have two ears and one mouth so you can listen twice as much as you can talk. Many people hear words being spoken but don't actually listen to what is being said. Proper listening requires using the mental skills of memory, logic and concentration.

To be effective at listening, you need to follow the rules that separates the great listener from the majority who have never cultivated the habit of listening. To listen properly, you must:

* Pay exclusive attention to both the words being spoken and the person who speaks. Poor listening stems from poor concentration. An undisciplined mind wanders constantly. Your thoughts often follow the direction of your eyes. So if your eyes are focused on the buffet table, your minds is not attuned to what is being said. Your eyes glaze over and the speaker stops as he senses you're not listening to him.

* Be open to the conversation. This simply means listening without passing judgment. It means listening to all the points being made before formulating your response. While you may think you understand the other person, you can miss an important point, or simply misinterpret what is actually said.

* Don't interrupt. Of course you want to get your two cents in or have the great urge to correct the other person. But to butt in before the other fellow has finished talking will produce resentment and hurt feelings on his part.

* Ask questions. It shows the speaker that you are actively listening to the subject instead of nodding absently. Everyone enjoys talking about themselves and appreciate the person who wants to know more about them and their knowledge. A good listener is never a big talker. He encourages others to talk.

* Acknowledge the conversation. If you remain stiff without showing any movement or emotion, the speaker will get the impression he's talking to a corpse. Nod in agreement or interject with an "I see"; "Really" or "Fascinating" to keep the conversation moving along.

* Watch your manners. It's rude to abruptly turn away from the speaker while he is in the middle of dispensing a point. Yet so many people break this rule constantly. The best tactic is to wait until the speaker finishes his talk before excusing yourself to talk with that cute girl in the red dress. If you must break off the conversation, promise the speaker you will return later to continue the discussion.

* Never criticize. You may not agree with what is being said, but

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