by Jenn Weiss

Created on: April 15, 2009

I have spent months reflecting on my battle through cancer. I can see that I am a different person because of it. I have grown in many ways, I see things with a new perspective. Different things have value to me than before the cancer. I appreciate different things because my priorities are different now. I spent so many nights and days thinking about random different things not just about the cancer, but a bunch of other things in life. I spent time thinking about what life is about, and where my life could go after cancer. I thought about my faith and the things God has done for my life in the past; mainly what could be possible in the future. I can now see the hope for the future, and how things will be for the future. I find myself thinking about things that I have never considered myself thinking and contemplating about. I see myself capable of accomplishing so much more than I would have given myself that ability to; only because I can do it through Christ. I have been able to change my viewpoints, and how I look at the world around me. Everything seemed to have changed the moment I heard I had cancer April of 2007. I knew life would never be the same and it hasn't...it has been better.

Different things provoke different responses from me now. Everything around me has a different feel, and I notice the smaller things in life more now. One day my wonderful boyfriend and I went walking at Jumonville, not far from where we live, and as I stood under a canopy of trees looking up I understood what Ralph Waldo Emerson and Henry David Thoreau were saying when they said when one is in nature they are closer to God. Thoreau said the point of nature was "simplicity, simplicity, simplicity," (Walden). When you are in nature everything seems so simple, yet so complex. There is a grand design at work in our lives and part of that design was for us to have cancer. Psalm 19: 1-6 tells us that nature proves the existence of God. After experiencing cancer and the emotions that go along with it; the emotions that being in God's creation whether it is a wooded area like Ohiopyle and Jumonville or sitting on the front porch just brings tears to my eyes: I can only thank God every day for this life. Life just isn't life without God in it; it seems like it isn't worthwhile without God there.

Worship and praise songs bring emotions to the surface. They all just have greater meaning to me now because I have seen the power that only God can have. Anais Nin once said "we don't see things as they are, we see things as we are." We see things in terms of who we are, not in terms of who God is. We look at things as h ow we want them to be, instead of according to God's plan and how He wants things to turn out. It's hard to look at things the way God does. Because we are humans, we cannot fully view this world in terms of God's vision. It's too great for us to have the ability to do so. We cannot begin to think of the things God has planned for us and why certain things happen, so why try? Shouldn't we accept things as they are? In the book of Job it says "even the moon and stars scarcely shine compared to Him." I see that as saying God's glory outshines the brightest of stars, and even they know the power God beholds, but as humans we can't. We always want an answer to everything. I found when I stopped looking for an answer and looked to God, things got easier, and I was able to focus on my praise and worship. Paul did say in Philippians "rejoice in the Lord always...I repeat rejoice." We need to be rejoicing no matter what we are dealing with because guess what....God is far greater.

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