by Lanetta Jones

Created on: April 15, 2009

For a while I thought tragedy was something others were faced with, that it wasn't something that I would ever go through. I fear a lot of things, especially death. Not only do I fear my own death but I fear of loosing someone close to me. I can't even sit through a movie without crying when someone dies, let alone ever deal with a family member of mine dying.

I lost the man who raised me in 2004. Even though it's been years, it still hits me everyday that he's really gone. Growing up I didn't like him, he disciplined way too hard, he didn't let us stay out late like the other kids would, and he made us work hard doing chores when other kids didn't have too. I felt his entire agenda was to make our lives as un-fun as he possibly could. Now, even though I didn't like him, I later realized he was only trying to show us the reality of life. I do believe he could of let us experience life a little more, but maybe he was scared of letting go or maybe he was over protective of us kids. Either way I never got the chance to tell him that I was sorry and even though we agreed to disagree, I do now realize his way of parenting.

I now have my own child and I think it took till then to realize how hard being a parent really is. I don't even think a young person really is ever ready to deal with life and the reality that comes along, but I was more prepared than others because of his strong teachings. I see him out of the corner of my eye sometimes, a flash, a voice. I only ever wanted him to be proud of me, and I hope he is. Death is hard to deal with, for anyone. At times, I scream, "It's not fair!" It's not fair for anyone to deal with. His death was tragic and unexpected. He died that day not knowing it was going to happen, he was on his way for a toys for tot run on his motorcycle.

I strongly feel he can hear me, and I know he's proud of me because if he wasn't I would feel that. I hope no matter who you are or whom you have lost, you remember that person is watching and listening to every word your telling them. Death is hard to deal with and very scary, but also apart of life and we can only hope that they are forever living, doing only what they love to do.

We all end up somewhere, and I can only hope that one day I will see him again, so just in-case he didn't hear me, I can tell him all of this someday. I think nowadays people are hating more and more each day, doing bad things and hurting other people. I can only hope this world turns around and they can see how much death really does effect everyone.

Learn more about this author, Lanetta Jones.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.