by Carol Wise

Created on: April 14, 2009

I, once was trapped in a marriage that didn't work. In reality I did this to myself twice, although I was quicker to get out the second time around. My husband wasn't a bad person and he did love me unfortunately that wasn't enough. Nor was the fact I loved him.

I still don't know why I ever wanted to get married to the man on our wedding day I would have bet the marriage would be over in six months. It endured much longer (almost 12 years) mainly because I felt I had to make it work. I had after all made a commitment.

We were mismatched in many ways. I was the oldest child in my family, an only child for 12 years. He was the baby of six, and handicapped. I bought three children into the marriage while he had none. He was readily accepted by my youngest but not by my older two children.

His mother had been a stay at home mother , an excellent housekeeper. My mother had died when I was three. My stepmothers worked often earning more then my father. His father had been the king of his castle, ruling his children with a 2X4 if necessary. We had totally different viewpoints on all the major issues and compromise wasn't a word he was familiar with.

I felt I should be able to make him happy, realizing only many years down the road that he didn't want to be happy. He was close to his family but didn't have any friends, so I felt I had to give up my friends. He was quiet and didn't want to talk. Or rather didn't want to listen. I was louder and wanted to talk.

He needed to plan everything from work to relaxation time, while I liked to do "fun things" spontaneously. His job had no benefits and no room for advancement, he was jealous of the benefits and potential for advancement my job had. He was very talented in his field and while he had dreams- he never formulated any steps to be able to realize those dreams. I tired to become the woman behind her man, encouraging and supporting his dreams only to have to face the fact, he didn't want to work at getting a better job or reaching for his dreams. He expected it to be handed to him.

When I realized he was unwilling to advance, I knew the only one, I could push was myself. I could obtain more education and I could move up with in my career. I thought I could do this for us. Unfortunately he saw my efforts as a slap in the face to his ability to provide.

We had added another child to this mix, which made it even harder for me to think about leaving. Not due to financial reasons but because while he struggled in his role as a

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